Awkward Moment at SM

Last Saturday I bought a DVD of the movie Ang Lihim ni Antonio (Antonio's Secret) at the Record Bar of SM Department Store. I watched it at home, but realized that the disc is damaged because there was a particular frame where the movie pauses for a few seconds and could not be controlled by either the forward or rewind buttons. I was able to finish the movie, but I thought I had to have it replaced to get my money's worth. So last night I went to the record bar to have it replaced.

When I arrived there, the saleslady asked me what the matter was. So I told her what was wrong with the disc. To my surprise she said, "Let's play the movie, and show me where it pauses." What?! I asked her where she plans to play the movie, and she told me she would play it right there, at the TV/DVD Player in the Record Bar in full view of other shoppers. At that moment, the disc being played was still in full volume, so I told her never mind. But she insisted. All this time the disc was with her, and she was about to put it inside the player. I was hesitant. I really wanted to have the disc replaced, and thought maybe it would be alright if she would just mute the volume. But I also didn't want to get embarrassed, so I changed my mind. But she was insisting that we play the movie. Our conversation went like this:

Me: Miss, kailangan pa ba talaga i-play?

SL: Yes, Sir, kasi kailangan naming i-note kung saang particular part yung sinasabi n'yong sira, kasi tatanungin din kami.

Me: Ganun ba? 'Wag na lang.

SL: Hindi, Sir, okay lang. I-play na natin para maituro mo kung nasaan yung sira.

Me: 'Wag na lang kasi nakakahiya. Kitang-kita ng mga dumadaan.

SL: Okay lang yan, Sir, pinanood na rin namin 'yan.

Me: 'Wag na nga, kasi not for the general public yung movie, restricted kaya yan, tsaka diyahe talagang makita yung exact frame kung saan nagha-hang yung movie. Tapos ang lakas lakas pa ng volume n'yo.

SL: Napanood na nga namin yan Sir. Kung gusto nyo, i-play n'yo na lang ulit sa bahay then i-note n'yo yung time code kung saan tumitigil. Tapos ibalik n'yo dito.

Me: Ah, so pwedeng ganun na lang?

SL: Opo, tapos i-play pa rin natin dito.

Me: Ha?! Ipe-play pa rin talaga dito? 'Wag na lang, Miss. Akin na, hindi ko na lang papapalitan. Diyahe talaga eh.

SL: Okay sige po.

And then I left. I was laughing at myself, thinking of what just happened. Oh well, I'd rather keep this disc even with a little damage, than risk being humiliated in front of other shoppers who would have seen the movie playing. Now, for those of you who are curious regarding the exact frame I was talking about, watch the original DVD release and set this time code: 00:22:11. You would know why I didn't agree to play it at the record bar. Hint: the scene involves Antonio (played by Kenjie Garcia) and Nathan (played by Niño Fernandez).

I should have asked them if they have a private viewing room or something. Haha.

It's Over

We both wanted it. When he asked for a cool-off, it gave me time to think things over. In the end I realized I'm better off without him. Two weeks before we talked, I already had a feeling that we are headed for a breakup. I thought it would make things easy. We met last Saturday to talk. We gave our reasons and decided to put an end to our relationship. It was a mutual decision. But moving on could be a difficult thing to do--especially after he told me that he's already seeing someone new. I don't know if it was just my ego that was hurt, but one sure thing is that it hurts to know that it was that easy for him to replace me in his heart. Well, I guess I really am better off without him.

Of Jeeps and Creeps

Last Thursday night was just a regular night on my way home. I rode the jeep at Philcoa. Then somewhere along the Elliptical Road, a guy came on board. While I kept looking at the road, I could see from my peripheral view that this guy was looking around, looking at the other passengers, looking at me (but trust me, he was beginning to freak me out...), and looking and looking. He then called the attention of the old woman beside him by tapping her lower back, and when she looked his way, he pretended not to notice. *&^$, I even thought he knew her! Then as a few passengers went aboard the jeep in one of the stops, this guy looked my way and smiled (from ear to ear, showing teeth and all). I thought it was just nothing, but then he kept looking at me. He kept looking once in a while and smiling (again, teeth and all). I was only relieved when I alighted the jeep at my destination and he did not follow me... Whew! Scary!!!

It would have been better if he just glanced at me once in a while, without trying to send any message at all. I was so freaked out. So that's how it feels, huh?... :p

Gay and Happy!

Redundant eh? I'm just so happy that my sister and I had been closer than ever, and she already accepts me for who I am... She now knows I'm seeing someone, and last night, she met him, although not formally, hehe.

And there's another reason why I'm so happy today! I'm not saying though... I just wanna cherish the moment. :)

Coming Out: Latest Edition

Last Saturday morning, I was bored and had nothing to do. I remembered a friend way back in 2nd year college who I just saw again last week. We had a great conversation when we met. I actually felt infatuated with him that night, although during our college days he was really just a friend. Anyway, I asked him how he is, and here’s our conversation:

Him: eto, cute pa rin. :-) kaw?

Me: hahaha… eto payatot pa rin at cute pa rin (gaya-gaya, hehe)

Him: ano balita? ano bago?

Me: Ganun pa rin. work, ganun pa rin. lovelife, ganun pa rin. single. (I actually opened up the lovelife part in the hope of him saying that he’s also single…)

Him: choice mo ba’ng maging single?

Me: hindi… actually, it’s complicated.

Him: hehehe, friendster.

Me: hahaha… basta… can u keep a secret?

Him: sure, ako pa.

Me: I’m gay.

I was worried of what his answer would be. And then:

Him: so? it does not make you less of a person. kelan pa?

I was relieved of his open-minded answer. So I told him the same old story of coming to terms with my sexuality. I was actually frustrated that he said he's straight, but nonetheless, I’m glad that he was okay with what I told him. Thank God for people like him. I actually took a very big risk by coming out to him, but whatever happens, I don’t really mind. At least I can be myself when I’m dealing with him.

P.S. Now you know where boredom could lead to.

Here I Go Again...

This morning, on board a jeep on my way to work, I noticed this cute moreno guy sitting at the end nearest the door. He was wearing a shirt, gray shorts, white socks, and white rubber shoes. I was on the opposite side, with three others beside me. I glanced at the guy, and he also looked at me. Our eyes met, but we immediately turned our eyes away from each other's eyes. (puro eyes ah) When the three people beside me alighted the jeep, I moved to the end right across the guy. He looked at me, I looked at him, our eyes met again, we looked away again; all this happened twice I think. I did not actually know what he was thinking so I waited for him to make a move. Unfortunately, he didn't make any. I looked at him more, but when he finally called on the driver to stop as he was about to leave, I looked away. On his way out, I saw from my peripheral view that he looked towards my direction. But since I was not looking, I never had the chance to see if he made any signal or what. He alighted near the PLDT office along East Avenue, and walked towards Jollibee without looking back, even as I was looking at him the whole time.

Could he be gay? Or was it just nothing at all? Anyway, if he is gay, I hope he reads this and realizes that he is the guy here and that I really like him. And that I hope to see him again, and that next time, I hope he makes a move. Haha.

Anti-Discrimination in the Philippines

As I was reading through my blog subscriptions this morning, I came across AJ's entry on what we should know about the Anti-Discrimination Bill (HB 956), which he got from Jonas Bagas. After reading the entry, I checked the House of Representatives website to check the status of the bill. Here is what I found:

HB00956

Session No.: 14-1RS-006

Significance: N

Date Filed: 2007-07-10

Full Title: AN ACT PROHIBITING DISCRIMINATION ON THE BASIS OF SEXUAL ORIENTATION AND GENDER IDENTITY AND PROVIDING PENALTIES THEREFOR

Short Title: "Anti-Discrimination Act"

Principal Author: HONTIVEROS-BARAQUEL, ANA THERESIA "RISA"

Date Read: 2007-08-01

Primary Referral: HUMAN RIGHTS

Bill Status: Pending with the Committee on HUMAN RIGHTS since 2007-08-01

*Source: House of Representatives. House Bills and Resolutions Online Query

It's sad to know that the bill as filed during the 14th Congress is still pending at the committee level 10 months after it's referral. But what's more saddening is the fact that LGBT groups have been pushing for this since 1999, according to Mr. Jonas Bagas. I am hoping that this bill becomes a law soon, but to do that, there is a great need to educate and enlighten those who are against it, and to gain the support of those who are inclined not to act for or against the approval of the bill. While this blog may only be visited by a few, I am still hoping that I could help in little ways for this cause.

Allow me to repost an excerpt of Mr. Bagas' entry:

Ten things you need to know about the Anti-Discrimination Bill:

Fight for equal rights for lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgenders (LGBTs) by pushing for the passage of the Anti-Discrimination Bill (HB 956) authored by AKBAYAN Rep. Risa Hontiveros-Baraquel.

Here’s what the bill is all about:

Equal rights, not special rights. The bill does not grant additional or special rights to LGBTs. What it does is criminalize violations to the human rights and freedoms on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity. The bill affirms and promotes human rights and freedoms that are enshrined in the Constitution.

Equality in schools. The bill prohibits discrimination against LGBT students, which usually takes place through unfair admission policies, unjust expulsion, and unreasonable disciplinary actions.

Equal opportunities in employment. By criminalizing unfair labor practices and policies on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity, the bill promotes decent jobs for LGBT workers.

Removing stigma in healthcare. The bill bans hospitals, clinics, and medical personnel like doctors and nurses from discriminating against or abusing LGBT patients.

Fighting police abuse. Stiffer penalties are imposed on law enforcers who abuse the law – from bagansya to the anti-trafficking law - to harass, torture, or extort money from LGBTs.

Organizing for LGBT pride. The bill affirms the freedom of assembly and association by disallowing discrimination in the establishment of LGBT groups in schools, workplace, communities and in politics.

Equal access to establishments. The bill ensures that establishments that are open to the public like malls, restaurants, and bars, among others, are open to all, regardless of sexual orientation and gender identity.

Gays and lesbians in the police and military. The police and military are barred from screening out competent LGBTs who want to join the force. Under the bill, they are also not allowed to remove LGBT policeman or woman and soldiers due to their sexual orientation and gender identity.

Penalizing discrimination. Under the bill, a person found guilty of discriminating against LGBTs can be fined up to P500,000 and/or imprisoned for a maximum of six years. S/he may also be required to undergo human rights education.

About non-discrimination, not same-sex marriage. Homophobic groups wrongfully claim that the bill is about same-sex marriage. Here’s the truth: 1.) the legal recognition of same-sex marriage requires a separate bill, and; 2.) there is absolutely nothing wrong about consensual same-sex relationships.

Is it too much to ask not to be treated as second-class citizens? Please, WE DO NEED THIS BILL SIGNED INTO LAW!

Oh My Friend, Are U One of Us?

I went out with my college friends a few weeks back. One of them was the guy who I would consider my first love, although it was a one-way thing because I never told him how I really felt for him despite the fact that I already came out to them (my barkada) a few years back. As usual, we all tried to catch up on what's happening with our lives, in terms of career, family, karir (as in love life). Haha. My friends teased him that he's gay, 'coz he never talked about who he is dating, although it seemed pretty obvious that he was indeed seeing someone. And while all this was happening, I was so hopeful that he would finally come out to us. Although I never really thought that he could be gay, I have always wished that he is. I was so into him during our college years. I remember even giving up some time to study on weekends just so I could be with him. We were actually very close until I came out to them. He became aloof. And so I did not have the chance to even tell him how I feel. I don't know if the reason why he distanced himself from me was that he felt that I had a thing for him and didn't want me to pursue it, or that he is indeed one of us and was afraid that I would find out. Anyway, up to now I still am clueless as to whether he's straight or not. But I do hope that if ever he is one of us, he would tell me eventually, not so much because I hope to get romantically involved with him, but because I need to have someone close to my heart with whom I can really be myself.

Please Release Me...

The other night, I dreamed of meeting one hot guy who told me straight in the face, "Sige na, mukhang gustong gusto mo na akong halikan eh." ("Go ahead, it seems you badly want to kiss me.") And so we engaged in one long torrid kiss. It seemed so real. Unfortunately, nothing else happened.

Last night, I slept with hopes of this dream having a continuation. When I woke up this morning, I was frustrated that I had no idea what my dream was all about. On my way to work, I sat beside this tall and cute guy and I was lucky enough that the jeep was full, so I had an excuse to rub my thigh against his. (I'm so bad...) I felt the tension inside me. But then, I had to go to work and had to be contented with that. At least my mind could be diverted from thoughts of hot guys and stuff while I'm at work.

As I was checking my blog subscriptions, I had to see this post from Migs, the Manila Gay Guy! Oh brother! Dennis Trillo is dancing topless, with Careless Whisper as BGM. It seems I hear another song singing, "Please release me, let me go..." from inside me... Waaah! It would be one hell of a day. Hay...

Lea...

Lea Salonga celebrates her musical career on May 23 and 24 at the PICC Plenary Hall with Lea, My Life... On Stage. Join her as she relives the highlights of her career from childhood to West End to Broadway and to what she is as a performer today. Buy your tickets now at Ticketworld outlets or at the Ticketworld website.

What the?!

Last weekend, I was chatting with someone and while we were at the customary NASL? Stats?, he asked me, "So are you bi?" I answered, "I'm gay." To which he replied, "Oh, so you are a gay!" I wanted to correct him with his use of "a" but I decided not to. I thought perhaps it was just a simple mistake on his part. But he kept repeating it. I eventually said goodbye.

But something worse was yet to come. While chatting with another guy, he asked me, "So are you a male, gay, or bi?" We both knew at this point that we are both males, since we already exchanged information about our age, sex, and location. What's wrong with him? I told him, "Hey, we are both males, so please clarify your question." He answered, "Are you a male, gay, or bi?" And I figured what he meant to ask was whether I am straight, gay, or bisexual. So I told him I'm gay, without trying to conceal the fact that I was really pissed off. Gosh, they're giving me a headache.

That's what you get from a boring weekend.

...Rays of Hope...

I was in a meeting earlier today. Anyway, over lunch, some of our superiors who were in that meeting discussed some issues which incidentally touched on the sexuality of one of their contemporaries. I was beaming with hope inside because some of them were very okay with it. They were saying there is nothing wrong with being gay or with a man having sex with another man. Unfortunately I did not hear my boss or my colleagues say anything for or against it at all, so maybe perhaps it is not yet time for me to tell them I'm gay when they bug me again with the question, "Do you have a girlfriend?" or some other similar remarks. Nevertheless, it really was a relief that at least I know now that there are some people in our organization who are very open-minded about it. I just hope nobody noticed how happy I was upon hearing those non-homophobic remarks. :D

Jeepney

Last week, I was on my way to work when I noticed this cute guy inside the jeepney. His face wasn’t that perfect, but he looked hot. He looked innocent. He looked young, but his body looked developed I’d like to see him naked (uh oh, too early to get horny…) If only I could see through the UP shirt he was wearing. Anyway, I did the only thing I could do when in this kind of situation (now don’t get your minds green): I just glanced at him once in a while. He glanced my way too. I didn’t really know what to make of it: was he also one of us and testing the waters if I would give in, or was he straight and getting ready to humiliate me in front of everyone? Anyway, since the jeepney ride was short, I had no chance to know. What surprised me though was that as I was about to go down, he put his leg across the exit in such a way that I would have to squeeze my way out. Oh brother! I was tempted to touch and squeeze his thigh! Haha. But the decent side of me decided to get out as quickly as possible. As the jeepney took off, I glanced at him, and I saw him looking at me. Argh! Should I have done something or what?!

Anyway, last Saturday, on my way home after meeting up with a friend (hey, thanks for showing up!), I was inside the jeepney when I saw this cute hunk. He looked older than me, perhaps late 20s or early 30s. His beautiful eyes looked so innocent, and his lips were oh so kissable! I wanted him to look at me, but he never did. Well I guess he had an idea that I was way head over heels about him, but perhaps he just decided to ignore me.

Haha, so there I was, drooling over this guy and wishing that the ride would never end. Then I noticed the guy beside him smile, as if jokingly. And then I realized he caught me looking at the cute guy. About a minute later, the cute guy, the other guy, and the girl across them went down. What the?! I didn’t know they were together. Haha, I guess they were all laughing at the gay boy who’s gone gaga over the hunk.

What is it with jeepney rides anyway? Fate lets you come across with any guy who could be the man of your dreams only to have you wake up to reality when the ride ends. Oh well, that’s life! And it’s even harder for a gay guy.

Eye Candy

Still busy...

Anyway, my officemate has a catalogue of clothing, including underwear. And I just wanna say that I have a crush on the image model for the briefs. Haha... Gwapo talaga! Nakakapanghina. With such angelic face matched with naughty eyes, I'm tempted to scan the page and print a poster size copy. Haha. Kaso baka mahuli ako! So hinihiram ko na lang pretending that I'm looking for something to buy. :D
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Edit...

Eto na yung photo...

Or eto na lang... para wholesome... hehe...

wafu talaga... hay.

Pahabol post for Valentine's Day: New Poll!

Love is in the air... Really? Well, just wanna know what you guys think of when Valentine's Day approaches. Pahabol na lang ito, vote na kayo please (haha, nagmakaawa...)

For answers not indicated in the options, feel free to comment on this post. :)

Hay, kababawan...

What A First Time Clubbing Experience?!

When my friend Gee and I decided to meet up in Malate, I started to think of what excuse is plausible enough to ward off any suspicion as to where I'm going. My sets of friends have some common individuals (or intersections when talking about sets in Math, haha), and that would mean that if I tell my family or a particular set of friends that I'm going out with one set of friends or another, they would have a way of verifying the truth of such statement. I was already thinking of asking a girl friend to whom I came out recently to cover for me. However, while of all those who know that I'm gay, she is the one who I really think is very accepting of my sexuality, I still had reservations because one, I would be asking her to lie for me in case my family decides to call her, and two, I don't even know how to start asking such a favor from her. As the date of the Malate gimmick approached, I realized that I have one set of friends which is isolated from my other sets of friends, such that there is a very slight possibility, if not none at all, of contact and verification as to whether I really went out with them. So I made my decision to name such group as my buddies for the night.

26 January 2008

I met Gee at Robinson's Place Manila at around 9:30 in the evening. It was our first time to see each other in person and while I've seen his photos and while we have exchanged messages for quite a long time, eyeballs still make me shiver. Perhaps it's because of the uncertainty of whether or not we would click as friends in person, and of the worry at the back of my head that someone I know might see me in Manila at such time.

We had dinner first and then started calling friends if they would be able to come. Gee was already worried because it seemed that most of those who confirmed their presence would not be able to make it.

From Robinson's, we went to Chowking along Taft Avenue and stayed there for a few minutes while asking friends to come and join us. I felt very uneasy because people stared at us. I wanted to tell them to just mind their own business! But then, I decided to ignore them.

We then decided to stay at Starbucks in Malate to wait for his friend Bong, who was stuck with two other friends at Gilligan's. There were too many people at Starbucks, so we decided to wait outside. While Bong was asking Gee to come to Gilligan's, Gee and I both felt uneasy with the idea of being salimpusa in their group, so we decided to wait at the corner of Orosa and Nakpil, underneath the trees. Although I had a feeling that people might think that we're looking for hookups since we are hiding in the dark, that night I felt more comfortable with that than having to risk being recognized by someone I know if I we stayed at a brighter spot.

Finally, Bong arrived. After some introduction and some chit-chats, Bong asked us to stay with him and his two friends at Gilligan's. But since we really felt uneasy with that idea, we decided to go back to Starbucks. I scanned the area for familiar faces, and fortunately, there were none. So we went inside and talked, and again texted and called friends who might be in the area.

January 27, 2008

It was past midnight. Finally, another friend of Gee replied and said that he is in Bed. We decided to go there. On our way there, I asked Gee, "What if someone who knows me sees me? If we see each other while we're both inside Bed, then that wouldn't be a problem (laughing)." But deep inside, I still felt scared at the idea.

Outside Bed, I looked at the building's facade and I told myself, "Gosh, I'm here." While we were queued at the entrance, I was shocked to see a familiar face! OMG! It was my supervisor back in my internship days. But not only was he my supervisor. He had been working with some projects our company is engaged in. That means he knows my colleagues. I immediately turned my back and just looked his way again when I felt that he was already inside the club.

Out of curiosity, I glanced at their direction to see who was with him. Looking at the face of his companion, I tried to figure out who this person is because he seemed familiar. I just couldn't think of where I saw him because I was seeing only half his face. It seemed that fate wanted to answer my question, and that fate was playing tricks on me because in just a few seconds, the guy looked at my direction. %$^&! He was one of our clients! I immediately covered my face, but I think he was able to see me. I figured that apparently, Mr. Supervisor is treating Mr. Client to a night out at Bed.

I told Gee that I saw familiar faces and they saw me. He told me to just ignore them and enjoy the night since the lights are dim. So we went in. He added, "Wish mo na lang na sana magkaiba tayo at sila ng floor na tatambayan." When we went inside, Gee's friend was at the second floor so we went up. And again, as if fate was really testing my limits, I saw Mr. Client sitting on a couch near us. I couldn't find Mr. Supervisor anywhere. I was already freaking out but then I told myself, "Wala nang atrasan, sayang ang entrance fee, sayang ang chance. Just enjoy the night." So I ignored them and tried not to think of their presence. I felt more comfortable when we moved to the ground floor.

So we drank and danced a little, because there were too many people inside. After a few hours, we went out of Bed for some air and to meet Bong outside. When Gee and I decided to go back to Bed, I saw a schoolmate just outside the door. Fortunately, he did not see me. And we went back in.

It was already 3:00a.m. There were no signs of Mr. Supervisor nor Mr. Client. I decided to go to the comfort room to pee. To my surprise, they had an aquarium for a divider! And while my bladder was already full, I couldn't concentrate on what I was doing, and nothing was coming out. Maybe it's partly because I was tempted to look beyond the aquarium, and partly because I felt uncomfortable that the guy at the other side of the aquarium might see my thing. And it felt even more uncomfortable because as I stood there without urine coming out, I thought that the guy beside me might think that I was there just to look at what the other guys are keeping in their pants. Immediately after I was finally able to urinate, I washed my hands and went out of the comfort room. Assessing how I reacted, I realized that I was actually amused that they had an aquarium for a divider! Haha.

We decided to go out of Bed and meet Bong and some other friends. We stayed just outside O Bar. We talked, and my knees were already shaking because I have been standing for too long. I was able to take a seat, and because I was already tired, I decided to hide behind Gee and the rest of the guys who were still talking.

At that moment, we were already just waiting for sunrise. And when I thought that fate had already stopped playing tricks on me, I saw yet another familiar face walk past us. It was a friend from our youth organization when I still stayed in the province. Although I know that there have been questions as to whether he's one of us or not, it was still possible that he was in the area either because he worked there, or because he was going somewhere and needed to set out early in the morning. Why? Because he had a big backpack, and he did not in any way look as if he came there to party. And with that, for him to see me is not an option! So I decided to hide again and postpone my own trip home until after he was out of sight.

So much for surprises, huh! I just hope that there was nobody else who saw me. And if ever there was anyone else, I hope he would keep his mouth shut. :D

Did I have fun? For someone like me who felt uncomfortable in bars, even in straight-oriented bars at that, I did. But what makes it more memorable is that I was finally able to meet a friend and take the friendship beyond cyberspace. Thanks, man.

My Most Important Wish this Year

There's nothing more important than my wish to be accepted wholeheartedly by my family and friends. It has been almost four years since I came out to my family, and almost six years after I came out to some close friends. But still, I don't see even a remote possibility that they would understand that there's nothing I can do about it. When it comes to my family, we just end up having a heated argument whenever this issue is raised. With friends, we don't even get the chance to talk about it, but some of them manage to get the message across that they are not okay with it, usually through subtle remarks.

Last Saturday morning, I received a text message from one friend. The message read, "It's really sad that in this world, people would rather see two men holding guns, killing each other, than to see two men holding hands, loving one another." I forwarded it to my straight friends who know about me and to my sister. Nobody reacted, except for my sister. She just replied, "Kuya!" I didn't know what to make of it, so I shifted to another topic when I replied. When she came home, she didn't say a word about it.

In the afternoon, while we were at the Blue Magic stall in Megamall, she told me about this cute guy who was also there. When I told her that I also noticed the guy, she replied, in a tone that seemed annoyed, "Kuya, ayan ka na naman!" She already reacted that way to think that I just found the guy attractive. Wala pa akong boyfriend sa lagay na 'yan ha?

I asked a friend to give his comment about my sister's reactions and he thought that my sister has not yet accepted my sexual orientation. And he is right.

It's sad that the ones who I hoped would understand me are the ones who are hurting me the most.

Well, it has been like that for the past four to six years. I just hope 2008 would be a better year.