Some Random Thoughts

Last Father's Day, I received a call from my Dad. I greeted him, and we talked for a while. He asked me how I was, in terms of work, health, etc. Then he asked me: Are you planning to stay single all your life? (My immediate family knows I'm gay, but so far, only my sister is okay with it. My parents are okay with it as long as I don't act on it. Kumusta naman 'yon di ba?!) I was stunned and speechless. Fortunately, he followed the question with the statement that I should ask God what His plan for me is, etc. So I just replied that I'm doing it. Well, I really am asking God to show me His plan for me, but still I hope He gives me a guy to be my partner, if He wills it. :p I wish I had the strength to tell this to my Dad, but I didn't want to ruin his special day. Still, I'm hoping the day will come that He, along with the rest of my family, would be okay with it.

Just the other day, my colleagues and I were talking about sexuality. I was surprised to learn that one of them was very okay with her friends being gay, and that she was even trying to pair two of them up. I was almost tempted to come out to them that day, but still, I didn't feel like I have to announce it. It has been my decision that in coming out to friends and other people, I must not tell them I'm gay unless they ask. The problem is they don't ask. They didn't even ask me that day. So I'm still stuck in my closet. Anyway, I have a feeling that this colleague of mine will sooner or later ask me, because I think she already saw my gay blog subscriptions more than a year ago when she suddenly used my PC. (so careless, haha. buti na lang RSS feeds lang yung nakita nya at walang kasamang NSFW images). She never asked me about it though. :D Maybe if I add her to my Facebook friends, she would see my fan pages on several gay-themed movies. Haha. And then I would have the chance to come out to her. Or maybe I won't. Bahala na si Batman! :D

Coming Out: Latest Edition

Last Saturday morning, I was bored and had nothing to do. I remembered a friend way back in 2nd year college who I just saw again last week. We had a great conversation when we met. I actually felt infatuated with him that night, although during our college days he was really just a friend. Anyway, I asked him how he is, and here’s our conversation:

Him: eto, cute pa rin. :-) kaw?

Me: hahaha… eto payatot pa rin at cute pa rin (gaya-gaya, hehe)

Him: ano balita? ano bago?

Me: Ganun pa rin. work, ganun pa rin. lovelife, ganun pa rin. single. (I actually opened up the lovelife part in the hope of him saying that he’s also single…)

Him: choice mo ba’ng maging single?

Me: hindi… actually, it’s complicated.

Him: hehehe, friendster.

Me: hahaha… basta… can u keep a secret?

Him: sure, ako pa.

Me: I’m gay.

I was worried of what his answer would be. And then:

Him: so? it does not make you less of a person. kelan pa?

I was relieved of his open-minded answer. So I told him the same old story of coming to terms with my sexuality. I was actually frustrated that he said he's straight, but nonetheless, I’m glad that he was okay with what I told him. Thank God for people like him. I actually took a very big risk by coming out to him, but whatever happens, I don’t really mind. At least I can be myself when I’m dealing with him.

P.S. Now you know where boredom could lead to.

Thankful for Open-Minded Friends

I've been soooo busy for the past weeks. Anyway, I just want to share that two weeks ago, I came out to a friend. We were chatting via Yahoo Messenger, and our conversation went to a topic on speed dating. I told her that I'd love to try it, but that I just couldn't. When she asked me why, I told her, "I don't go for girls." And she laughed and then thanked me for the trust I gave her. She even told me that she kinda figured it out. Whew, it was actually a relief. Friend, if you happen to read this, I just wanna say THANK YOU!

By the way, my friend, don't forget to invite me when your no-girls speed dating is final, okay? Hehe. Just wanna give it a try.