While I would not want to make a big issue about my sexual orientation, there simply are some facets to it that I could not simply let pass me by. One is the seeming conflict between my religion and my sexual preference. I grew up as a Catholic, although I am not a very religious person. The Catholic church says, "Okay, so you're gay. That doesn't matter. Just don't be a practicing one." What the?! How can that be? It's as if by accepting the manner by which the Church "accepts" PLUs (people like us), I have acceded to the view of the Church that gays should practice celibacy and single blessedness or otherwise be condemned. That I simply cannot allow my conscience to take.
For isn't it also true that the Church teaches that the Lord is a loving and just God? I believe that. And for me, it means that everyone has a right to be loved, everyone has a right to an intimate and even sexual relationship, whether they are straight or not.
My problem now is how to reconcile my own belief with the traditions of the Church. For instance, while I would want to receive communion, I could not do so without confessing. But the Church taught us to confess every sin that we remember, and that knowingly concealing from the priest any sin committed is also a sin. So, how could I confess without having to tell that I am still willing to enter a same sex relationship? By the Catholic Church's standards, I would be committing a sin, and a mortal one at that. But isn't that unfair?
As of now, I just opted to maintain a personal relationship with the Lord, whether I get to receive communion or not. I still go to Church and hear God's word, but I do not receive communion. And I admit this is really tough for me. Because I would still want to belong to a church, to a religious community where PLUs are accepted without any conditions attached.
*Reposted from my downelink blog.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Lord please help me understand!*
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21 comments:
I hope this helps.
“1 Corinthians 6:9-11 (New International Version)
9 Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders 10 nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 11 And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”
hi there, you made a comment earlier about how God is loving and just and how you have the right to be loved and to love whether its in a same sex relationship or not. I agree God is a just and loving God and I know he'd want you to be loved and to love someone but the bible also says how "men should not lie with men as men lie with women" or something to that wording...i cannot tell you what to do and i really do not have the right since i cannot even relate. I applaud you for coming out though and for trying to deal with your conflicting beliefs and desires. Maybe you should ask God to help you sort this out to find the right way. I find your blogs insightful.
Hi Alyson. Thanks for the insight. I do not take it against you or anyone really when we are told that same sex relationship is against God's teachings. After all, we could not contest what's written in the Bible. It just seems so frustrating that just because I'm gay, I am not allowed to love a man the way a straight man loves a woman, and what's more frustrating is the curse, should I say, of being doomed. I've been praying and asking God to make me straight for the past 20 years ever since I realized I was different. But I could not do it anymore. I could not force myself to be straight. I know I am not and will never be.
Let me just share. I dunno if it would help----just like everybody else-religion vs. homosexuality is so hard to go along, I am a Muslim, the only son in the first family, and having a gay son in Muslim terrace is such a degrading to the old community, they think being gay is a sickness that can be cured, but telling the truth to my mom is the best thing to do (after 25yrs...I’m now 27Ü), I believed if there’s anyone deserves to know the real 'you' that has to be 'your' mom, and so I did. It was so hard to do, and until today she still hopes and thinks that it’s not true or it’s just a phase, but I believed this would change soon...hopefully. Until now I haven’t seen my mom and my family down south for more than 4yrs, I’m still scared/shy but atlas I know they already know the truth about me, and it somehow help me achieved the freedom not because I’m not with them but because they already know the real me, and soon they will accept it...and this is what gay is about-fighting on what we believe in...Now that I already accepted the real me, that doesn’t mean I have a problem with my religion, I would still keep my religion, no matter what...and If there’s no one to go for a confession?...why fret?!---Once our priest mention, the 'only' best way to confess--is straight to GOD/ALLAH...so don’t fret...we'll be safe!
thanks! it really helps. but i already told my mom, my dad, and brother and sister in 2004. but still, they hope that this is just a phase. they even forbid me from going out with people like us. (sigh). i hope they would understand just how difficult it was to stay in the closet for more than 20 years and much difficult to come out to them. i don't need them to tell me to be straight. i need them to accept me for who i am, and love me for who i am, not for what they want me to be.
well, Ian its hard to please everybody--that goes to our family too...Its sad to know that no body in your 'familia' support you in this so called phase---I hope that they would consider the fact that 'blood is thicker than water'...( that goes to my family as well!Ü) Lets just hope for the best, listen Ian, when I told my best cousin about the real me, the only advise that sucked on my head she said that ' we being gay should work harder and be at least be stable on all aspects especially-financially..why so? So they would know and feel that even we're gay--we too can be normal and be rich....
yes, that's why i'm also stressed. i feel like i have a lot to prove. but with the way things are going, i don't know if i can be really financially stable soon. i have a job and i manage to live on my own, but still, i don't have enough savings. plus i have this feeling that i'm gonna die early. i don't know why... maybe i'm just too tired of all that's happened.
Dear Ian,
I don't know how to say this in a few short words, but believe me, I know how you feel. It took me a long time to realize it, but now at 41, I know deep in my heart that God made me as I am, a gay man, and She does not want me to be any other way. I have read the Bible and I know all the theological arguments, and believe me, the most important thing is what God tells you deep in your heart. God said the Truth will set you free, and if the truth is that you are gay, then so be it. Accept it and be grateful to God. It took me a long time to accept, but now that I have, and I have also come out to my family and friends, I have become happier than I have ever been before.
I realize that much of what I am saying here might not resonate with you, but I think one really needs time to mature in order to embrace the truth, and the joy, of one's own sexuality. Sadly the Catholic Church is of little help, because of their miseducated priests and equally miseducated followers. I blame the church for the continuing oppression of gays in the Philippines. I live abroad and have been exposed to other faiths and other cultures, and this is why I can be more critical of the way that our society has miseducated us.
I wish that you can find some gay friends who can help you through this. In any event, I will be praying for you. And if it's any consolation, I know that God loves you and She loves you just the way you are. Be happy, pray for the Holy Spirit, and all shall be well.
Love,
Raymond
Hi Raymond. Thanks for the insight. It really helps. And thanks for your prayers. God bless you!
It is good to see that people still have great concern for doing those things that are good. However, through my walk with God, I have found their concerns to be misplaced. Religion has become something that is based on secular convention rather than decisions made from a personal relationship with God.People seem to buy into the popular belief of that area and time. For instance, Adultery and fornication was once hailed as a great sin against the divine will. People were stoned, condemned, and avoided. Now if you are a male, the more women you have relations with, the more you are praised and for females, if children are conceived before marriage, it is no big deal. Also, remember how everyone thought the earth is flat? Or, that it was a sin to date outside of your race. Religion is handled in this way. The truth is that you must focus on what God is and build your foundation there. Don't base your life simply on quotes from the bible. The bible is a guide, written by man, only inspired by God. Just as we buy into our own rules now, so did they then. Our whole accepted system of living is corrupted. Satan is a great deceiver. The heterosexual system promotes women's idolatry of men, though they may not see it this way. What is it called when someone dictates your dress, the way you should talk, what you should think and what knowledge you should possess(this is how women have been handled throughout history, with only recent permission to educate ourselves). God is always to be the only one we seek answers from. Anything else leads us astray, as we can see from the treatment and position of women in society. Men have become vain, selfish, and full of lust in their every thought. And it is totally accepted by society, it is considered "a man being a man". It has gotten to the point that there is nothing godly about masculinity. If this is the case God is a hypocrite because men are born this way. It is not true, masculinity and femininity have always been defined by the views of society at the time-nurture. If God is Love, and God is unlimited, how can Love be limited. Again, this is satan's way to continue the confusion and division of those who Love God. For what reason would God want us to Love some people in certain ways because of their sex, and others in another. Firstly, if God is Love, there would have to be more than one God for their to be more than one Love. I believe in one God and one Love. Again, God would be a hypocrite, this is judgement by diverse measures. We should never judge each other by anything we are born with. The only other defense for the people is that you can only have children with the opposite sex so it is obvious that that is who you should Love. If that were the case it would require Love to make a baby. Seek God personally, ignore the world and everything you have learned and ask God to reveal the true purpose of the word.
Ian,
I just ran across your blog while looking up something else for homework and decided to jump in on the convo. I'm a born and raised Christian, but I'll really try to keep my comments unbiased. This subject has always been something that intrigued me, because I know that God made each person exactly how he/she is, but the bible also teaches that homosexuality is a sin. God wouldn't purposely create someone to live in a sin. So where does that leave you? God loves everyone the same, no matter what their sexual orientation is. As much as you may say I'm wrong, God didn't create you to be homosexual, and He can help you not be. I'm not saying that you're going to hell because your gay either, don't get me wrong. I've sinned plenty in my time and I still fully believe that I'm going to heaven because of God's grace. My only encouragement to you would be to keep praying and striving to live by the Bible. God knows your heart and motives and will reward your efforts. I will keep you in my prayers! Just please, please, please don't give up!
@deepflow, thank you very much for your insights. it helps.
Anonymous, thank you very much too. I am not taking it against you if you believe that God did not make me gay. It's just that after more than 20 years of struggling to find what I really am, I personally believe that God made me gay. I guess there really is no way to find out what's right but to ask God himself. And I hope God will give me the answer. Thanks again. God bless us all!
Ian; There are no gay men or women. You were not born gay, nor was anyone else for that matter. We live in an earth where there are millions of dis-embodied spirits (homosexual, molesters, rapists, murderers, etc. If you can think of a name, all it is is another spirit looking for a body to inhabit) One day, in your innocence, a spirit simply attached itself to you and began to portray within your minds eye the things it desired for you to do to satisfy its make-up. It is not your spirit but another trying to steal your life in order to live out its own through you. If you truly desire to be free, you can be. The choice is yours and will always be. However everything has a payback to it; so if you decide to let it cohabit with you, be warned. Like the old saying, "be careful who you hang out with." Your Bible says, how can two walk together unless they be in agreement. If you want this thing to leave you, you must command it out by the name of your Saviour Jesus and the spirit will have to obey. However, it may test you true ability to believe that what you are saying is the very thing you want. All of these spirits operate in your mind and attempt to control your body. but you can win. Remember, Call upon the name of Jesus and He will help you.
God Bless, James
@james,
interesting comment. while i would not easily believe what you said, it is still an important view in this long debate about reconciling religion and homosexuality. and i appreciate the concern.
to readers of this post, please feel free to share your thoughts on this issue. thanks!
urk, I hate Snap link previews - they so get in the way of actually clicking comment links, hehe.
anyway, recent visitor to your site and I've been jumping around and I like the way you write. coudln't resist commmenting on this particular item.
I have no issues with believing in divinity - I'm pretty much Agnostic yet acknowledge that there's certainly something more to the universe that is initially seen. it's religion that I have an issue with - I don't see how a group of old men get to interpret for an omnipotent being and claim to be perfectly correct in their pronouncements.
i don't think a god would shun his creations for being queer or for the homosexual act (a horrible distinction that reeks of Catholicism and always irked me in my Jesuit-driven formative years). I'd like to think the Divine would either (a) be a lot more open-minded about such things or (b) not really care since s/he is that far beyond this mortal coil. go figure.
live a happy and proud life, ian and don't let the shackles of religion try and bring you down.
@rocky
thanks! i know. some are just not open-minded and they feel so righteous! thanks for the compliment by the way.
@james,
by the way, i forgot to tell you this when i gave a comment on your post: i hate it that you lumped homosexuals with murderers and all that (even if you were just referring to spirits). just please be careful with what you say when you are trying to make a point. (it reminded me of a certain Philippine official who lumped gays with drunkards when asked about an issue!) nonetheless, i still approved your comment because i want to let all arguments come to the surface.
May I offer an alternative view. The historical Buddha says we are who we are now because of the wheel of karma and reincarnation. Gay or straight, whatever your skin color, sexual persuasion, geographical location, etc., we are here NOT to inflict harm, pass judgment, nor to ignore the suffering of others. We are here to be compassionate to one another.
As a gay person brought up in teh christian tradition (both roman catholic and presbyterian!), encountering what the Buddha taught has became a turning point and made me feel comfortable with the gayness in me. I am no longer the condemned one, because of the "sin" of being attracted and loving the same sex, as taught by the Christian churches. Instead, I am a pilgrim, no more and no less than anyone else, who is seeking a way out of the endless suffering of this world.
The judaeo-christian tradition has struggled for centuries--millenia!-- over homosexuality and chose the easy way, which is condemnation, rather than the difficult but certainly more christian path of understanding and inclusion. That is why so many good christian gay people are confused and schizophrenic, because their church could not fully welcome them, wanting them to be someone other than their real selves.
Enough of condemnation and hypocrisy, more of honesty and definitely more of happiness. Be happy. You are where you are meant to be.
@lotuslander, what can i say? thank you so much!
Hello Ian,
The argument of homosexuality vs. religion will probably go on until the end of time. I believe it is not as important to resolve it than it is to stay open, curious, objective and explore it in one's life in as healthy a way as possible. Regardless of what other people say, only you can live your life and know your truth.
Regarding the Bible as the definitive source book about God, please consider the following:
There is no term that means homosexual orientation in the original Hebrew, Aramaic and Greek texts of the Bible. The authors of the Bible did not understand sexual orientation and thus did not write about it. Biblical authors had little or no understanding of same-sex committed relationships. Rather, they assumed that everyone was heterosexual, but that some heterosexuals engaged in sex with persons of the same gender. Thus, when you see one of these words in an English translation of the Bible, it is important to dig deeper and find what the original Hebrew or Greek text really means.
Follow the ancient Hebrew, Aramaic or Greek writings and attempt to understand precisely what the writers taught. If so, then you will find that these same passages condemn specific homosexual activities (rape, prostitution, etc.) But the Bible appears to be silent about same-sex, committed, monogamous relationships.
The Hebrew word "qadesh" which is often associated with homosexual passages of the Old Testament means a male prostitute who engaged in ritual sex in a Pagan temple. This was a common profession both in ancient Israel and in the surrounding countries. It is often mistranslated simply as "sodomite" or "homosexual." (e.g. the King James Version of the Bible, Deuteronomy 23:17).
Each Bible translation reflects the world view, beliefs and mind sets of its translators. Many, if not most, versions of the Bible are funded by religious organizations and employ translators who all follow a specific theological belief system. Their personal biases distort their work. There is an additional complexity facing translators: today's society is very different from that of Biblical times. It is sometimes difficult to find a current English word that closely matches a Hebrew or Greek term.
The New International Version (NIV) currently translates Leviticus 18:22 as:
"Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable."
The New Living Translation (NLT) widens the translation to also include lesbians:
"Do not practice homosexuality; it is a detestable sin.
Imagine what would happen if the interpretation by the National Gay Pentecostal Alliance (NGPA) was used. Translators might render this verse as:
"Two men must not engage in sexual activity on a woman's bed; it is ritually unclean.
My best advice for you is to keep praying, stay true to yourself, and love your life. I truly empathize with your struggle and wish you only the best.
religion is bullshit. there are absolute general human truths and values, you should decipher for yourself what they are and live by it. ie. do good and live good and all else does not matter.
thanks, russdc and homosapien...
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