Learning that I am Gay

When I was still a child, my cousins and uncles used to tag me as a fag. My mother always came to my defense, but still inside of me I know, they might be right. After all, when I started pre-school, I did not mingle with the boys. I was more at ease with the girls. And I felt that I liked looking at my boy classmates.

Come elementary years, the attraction to my boy classmates became stronger. I didn't even have a crush on a girl and when people asked me and wouldn't take no for an answer, I would give the name of the girl who usually is closest to me.

In high school, I was really attracted to my guy friends. There was even this one friend who I cannot turn down whenever he requests for something coz I like him so much.

But when I was in 4th year high, I thought I finally defeated the gay urge in me because I felt that I was in love with my girl best friend. I courted her but I eventually stopped because I realized that I was really attracted still to my guy friends (especially to the guy I mentioned I can't turn down).

The worst and best part was when I was in 1st year college, because it was the time that I felt the biggest struggle of accepting the fact that I’m gay and that the church says it is a sin; but it was also the time that I really felt that I was in love, and not merely attracted, to a guy friend. Unfortunately, this love remained unrequited.