I Chickened Out Again

I really hate myself. Last November 24, while walking from Megamall B to Megamall A via the Second Floor, I was surprised to see my former housemate, who is also the second guy I loved (he never knew, and I never told him... well, I still love him up to now), who I thought was out of the country. He said he was here in the Philippines for a two-week vacation. He asked me if I know where a particular shop is because he has to bring something there. I told him I knew the place, so I accompanied him. We continued walking towards Building A to the direction of the shop. As we were walking, I felt so happy and wished that this would never end. When we reached the shop, I was prepared to wait for him to finish his business there. To my surprise, he looked at me, thanked me, and shook my hand for helping him find the shop. Before I could even ask him if he would like to grab some dinner, he walked inside the shop.

Thinking that it was a sign for me to go, I walked away. In my mind, I felt bad that I wasn't able to hang out with him, or have a longer time to update each other on what's going on with our lives. I could not go back and ask him if he wants to have dinner after I walked a considerable distance, because that would appear to be an afterthought and that could give him the idea that I like him in an intimate kind of way. On one hand, it would have been good if he also likes me, but on the other hand, it would be a disaster if he turns out to be straight.

I headed towards the MetroStar Express in Ortigas and took a ride home, all the while blaming myself for my cowardice. I don't know... Maybe I'll just wait for Christmas, or my birthday, when he greets me again through Friendster.

It's just so difficult to figure him out. He has been so kind to me when were still housemates, and among my not so close friends, he is the only one who cares to greet me on my birthday. I don't know if he's just such an angel, or maybe it's just my mind and heart giving his gestures a different interpretation.

Another Gay Movie

Does anyone know where to find a copy of this movie? I wanted to watch this movie since I saw the trailer last year on Youtube, as well as some clips. Gosh, Jonathan Chase is sooo hot! Hehe... And the actor playing Griff looked familiar, I just could not remember where I saw him. Then yesterday, I found out that his name was Mitch Morris... hmmm... rings a bell. OMG! It's Cody from Queer As Folk! Haha. I couldn't believe that he was that hottie, my long time crush in QAF. Haha. Anyway, I really want to watch this movie... I've been looking for it in video stores but to no avail. Anyone care to give that as a Christmas gift? Haha. Silly me.

Battle of the Hotties

The Head & Shoulders versus Clear Anti-Dandruff Shampoo battle (hehe) has become a battle of the hotties. Shortly after Unilever launched its Clear TV Commercials, we started seeing this hot doctor (or whatever he is)--courtesy of Head & Shoulders--debunk Clear's statement that men and women are different even in scalp (men are supposed to be more susceptible to dandruff). And after quite some time, Clear started showing this interview of this cute guy, Jay, saying how Clear has worked for him.

Now, if we remove rational thinking and do not consider which of H&S and Clear actually work for each one of us, and just base our choice on these two hot guys, which anti-dandruff shampoo would you choose? (Silly question ba?)

Anyhow, thanks to Unilever and P&G (and their advertisers) for giving us such eye candies to behold.

Who's Watching Roxxxanne?

Roxxxanne premieres on October 10, Wednesday, 7:00pm at the UP Film Center. See details from Migs, the Manila Gay Guy here.

By the way, I reserved two tickets, but I have yet to find someone to go with me. Anyone who wants to watch with me? Your ticket's my treat. Send me an e-mail on or before Tuesday noon. Thanks!

Update (10-10-07): Waaaahhhh! Can't watch tonight!

Okay, Son, You Can Go Out on Dates

I was having a casual conversation with my mom and dad when suddenly, the topic shifted to my sexuality. My father began questioning me if I go out on dates with guys, to which I answered, "No." And I told him I couldn't even if I want to because he and Mom wouldn't let me. Even if I live apart from them, I am dead scared when meeting guys because I worry that someone we know might see me and tell my parents about it.

Suddenly, my dad told me, "Okay, you can date guys." I noticed my mom pinch my dad's hand as if telling him not to let me, but my dad stuck with the permission he gave me. I was so happy. Finally I can go out without worrying that my parents would disown me or that they would get hurt when they find out or whatever. I felt a newfound happiness, because a heavy burden was removed from my heart.

Then I heard my phone ring. I thought it was a call from someone. My joy turned into dismay when I realized that it was my alarm to wake up. Everything had only been a dream! A dream which I think would not come true given how my parents view homosexuality.

Why, oh why?

I have always been unlucky in online networking sites. I have an account in Downelink, Connexion, and even in guys4men yet I could not get the attention of guys I like. When finally I received a message each in Downelink and Connexion, the senders were both old men--as in really old foreign men, you would suspect they were pedophiles! (sorry, bad...)

When I signed up for guys4men, I was amazed that it has a way of telling you which guys bookmarked you as a hottie (haha, in my dreams! well, I'm still hoping that someone hot could also find me hot... kinda have a low self-esteem here). And when I checked it, there was only one guy. Guess what? He was another oldie... I have nothing against old men. I know that I will also get old. But, they are just not my type. And I wonder why I seem to attract them... (sigh)

New Poll!

I've created a poll on my blog (located at the upper right corner) and I ask readers to cast their votes by completing the following statement:

Sexuality/Sexual Orientation is a product of...

a. nature alone.
b. nurture alone.
c. both, but more of nature.
d. both, but more of nurture.

Please vote, and for discussion, you may post a comment here or email me at yourgayness@gmail.com. Thanks a lot!