Ateneo BlueRep BAREs All Again

The Ateneo BlueREPERTORY brings back on stage BARE: A Pop Opera as season finale. BARE, with book, music and lyrics by Jon Hartmere, Jr. and Damon Intrabartolo, tells the story of Peter Simmonds and Jason McConnell, two boys in love with each other and struggling with life's issues amid peer pressure, societal expectations, among others. Peter is getting tired of living his life in the closet, while Jason is not yet ready to come out, given the high expectations of his family and peers. The story is set in a Catholic boarding school.

Reprising his role as Peter is Bibo Reyes, whose roles in other productions include Sonny in Atlantis Productions' In the Heights; and Berger in Hair, Dennis in All Shook Up, and Tank in Zanna, Don't, all of Ateneo BlueREPERTORY.

Coming in as Jason is Jaime Barcelon, who appeared in Atlantis Productions' The Little Mermaid as Jetsam, Repertory Philippines' Little Women as Laurie and The Sound of Music as Rolf, and Ateneo BlueREPERTORY's Tick... Tick... BOOM! as Jonathan Larson, among other productions.

Maronne Cruz plays the role of Ivy Robinson, the pretty and popular student who falls for Jason. Maronne has appeared as Audrey in Little Shop of Horrors, Jeanie in Hair, Woman 2 in Edges, and Scaramouche in Rock and Rule, all produced by Ateneo BlueREPERTORY.

Directed by Ana Abad Santos, BARE opens on February 29, 2012, 8pm at Teatrino, The Promenade, Greenhills, San Juan. Other play dates are March 1 to 3, and March 7 to 10, with gala shows on Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays at 8pm, and matinee shows on Saturdays at 3pm.

For tickets and inquiries, you may contact Chiz Jardin at 09165787618 or through e-mail at nicojardin12@yahoo.com. Show buyers can contact Luis Marcelo at 09175025847.

Facebook users can subscribe to www.facebook.com/bluerepbare and www.facebook.com/blueREPERTORY. Twitter users can follow @_blueREPERTORY.

BARE: A Pop Opera is presented through special arrangement with and all authorized performance materials are supplied by Theatrical Rights Worldwide (TRW), 570 Seventh Avenue, Suite 2100, New York, NY 10018 (www.theatricalrights.com).

Some Random Thoughts

Last Father's Day, I received a call from my Dad. I greeted him, and we talked for a while. He asked me how I was, in terms of work, health, etc. Then he asked me: Are you planning to stay single all your life? (My immediate family knows I'm gay, but so far, only my sister is okay with it. My parents are okay with it as long as I don't act on it. Kumusta naman 'yon di ba?!) I was stunned and speechless. Fortunately, he followed the question with the statement that I should ask God what His plan for me is, etc. So I just replied that I'm doing it. Well, I really am asking God to show me His plan for me, but still I hope He gives me a guy to be my partner, if He wills it. :p I wish I had the strength to tell this to my Dad, but I didn't want to ruin his special day. Still, I'm hoping the day will come that He, along with the rest of my family, would be okay with it.

Just the other day, my colleagues and I were talking about sexuality. I was surprised to learn that one of them was very okay with her friends being gay, and that she was even trying to pair two of them up. I was almost tempted to come out to them that day, but still, I didn't feel like I have to announce it. It has been my decision that in coming out to friends and other people, I must not tell them I'm gay unless they ask. The problem is they don't ask. They didn't even ask me that day. So I'm still stuck in my closet. Anyway, I have a feeling that this colleague of mine will sooner or later ask me, because I think she already saw my gay blog subscriptions more than a year ago when she suddenly used my PC. (so careless, haha. buti na lang RSS feeds lang yung nakita nya at walang kasamang NSFW images). She never asked me about it though. :D Maybe if I add her to my Facebook friends, she would see my fan pages on several gay-themed movies. Haha. And then I would have the chance to come out to her. Or maybe I won't. Bahala na si Batman! :D

Oh My Friend, Are U One of Us?

I went out with my college friends a few weeks back. One of them was the guy who I would consider my first love, although it was a one-way thing because I never told him how I really felt for him despite the fact that I already came out to them (my barkada) a few years back. As usual, we all tried to catch up on what's happening with our lives, in terms of career, family, karir (as in love life). Haha. My friends teased him that he's gay, 'coz he never talked about who he is dating, although it seemed pretty obvious that he was indeed seeing someone. And while all this was happening, I was so hopeful that he would finally come out to us. Although I never really thought that he could be gay, I have always wished that he is. I was so into him during our college years. I remember even giving up some time to study on weekends just so I could be with him. We were actually very close until I came out to them. He became aloof. And so I did not have the chance to even tell him how I feel. I don't know if the reason why he distanced himself from me was that he felt that I had a thing for him and didn't want me to pursue it, or that he is indeed one of us and was afraid that I would find out. Anyway, up to now I still am clueless as to whether he's straight or not. But I do hope that if ever he is one of us, he would tell me eventually, not so much because I hope to get romantically involved with him, but because I need to have someone close to my heart with whom I can really be myself.

...Rays of Hope...

I was in a meeting earlier today. Anyway, over lunch, some of our superiors who were in that meeting discussed some issues which incidentally touched on the sexuality of one of their contemporaries. I was beaming with hope inside because some of them were very okay with it. They were saying there is nothing wrong with being gay or with a man having sex with another man. Unfortunately I did not hear my boss or my colleagues say anything for or against it at all, so maybe perhaps it is not yet time for me to tell them I'm gay when they bug me again with the question, "Do you have a girlfriend?" or some other similar remarks. Nevertheless, it really was a relief that at least I know now that there are some people in our organization who are very open-minded about it. I just hope nobody noticed how happy I was upon hearing those non-homophobic remarks. :D

Okay, Son, You Can Go Out on Dates

I was having a casual conversation with my mom and dad when suddenly, the topic shifted to my sexuality. My father began questioning me if I go out on dates with guys, to which I answered, "No." And I told him I couldn't even if I want to because he and Mom wouldn't let me. Even if I live apart from them, I am dead scared when meeting guys because I worry that someone we know might see me and tell my parents about it.

Suddenly, my dad told me, "Okay, you can date guys." I noticed my mom pinch my dad's hand as if telling him not to let me, but my dad stuck with the permission he gave me. I was so happy. Finally I can go out without worrying that my parents would disown me or that they would get hurt when they find out or whatever. I felt a newfound happiness, because a heavy burden was removed from my heart.

Then I heard my phone ring. I thought it was a call from someone. My joy turned into dismay when I realized that it was my alarm to wake up. Everything had only been a dream! A dream which I think would not come true given how my parents view homosexuality.

New Poll!

I've created a poll on my blog (located at the upper right corner) and I ask readers to cast their votes by completing the following statement:

Sexuality/Sexual Orientation is a product of...

a. nature alone.
b. nurture alone.
c. both, but more of nature.
d. both, but more of nurture.

Please vote, and for discussion, you may post a comment here or email me at yourgayness@gmail.com. Thanks a lot!

"Dad, I'm Straight."

I was watching Queer as Folk Season 4 Episode 11, and there was a scene where Michael expressed his worries about Hunter--his and Ben's foster son--being straight. Those of us who watched the show know that Hunter was a hustler, with gay guys as patrons, when Mikey and Ben took him in. It was but natural for the couple to expect and assume that their Hunter boy is a gay boy. Unfortunately, as of Episode 11 Season 4, it seems that Hunter realized he is straight [poor guy, LOL]. Anyway, he was of course hesitant to tell his parents about it because they were gay.When he finally decided to spill the beans, his folks were quite in shock. In the succeeding bed scene between Mikey and Ben [oops, I meant to say the scene where they were discussing while in bed, haha, just trying desperately to titillate your senses], Michael kinda worried about Hunter. Why? He was worried because he feels it would be difficult to deal with him being straight because he--Mikey, that is--has no idea what it's like to be in a heterosexual relationship. He remarked that perhaps Hunter would be better off with straight parents. Ben countered that there's no problem with Hunter being straight--gay or straight, he's still their son.

And then it hit me.

Even though I am gay, I sometimes dream of having my own child, preferably a biological one [the probability of which is very low if not none at all, since I am really not attracted to girls], or if not, even an adopted one. But oftentimes, I wonder how I would deal with my child if he/she turns out to be straight, or turns out to be gay. If the child is straight, he/she might eventually question my sexuality. If he/she is gay, it could be cool but the problem is that he/she could go through the same agony that people like us experience. As of now, I am still unsure if I can handle having a child in the future. But I'd like to know your opinion [especially calling the attention of gay parents out there] on this: What would you like your child to be: straight or gay? Why?

Learning that I am Gay

When I was still a child, my cousins and uncles used to tag me as a fag. My mother always came to my defense, but still inside of me I know, they might be right. After all, when I started pre-school, I did not mingle with the boys. I was more at ease with the girls. And I felt that I liked looking at my boy classmates.

Come elementary years, the attraction to my boy classmates became stronger. I didn't even have a crush on a girl and when people asked me and wouldn't take no for an answer, I would give the name of the girl who usually is closest to me.

In high school, I was really attracted to my guy friends. There was even this one friend who I cannot turn down whenever he requests for something coz I like him so much.

But when I was in 4th year high, I thought I finally defeated the gay urge in me because I felt that I was in love with my girl best friend. I courted her but I eventually stopped because I realized that I was really attracted still to my guy friends (especially to the guy I mentioned I can't turn down).

The worst and best part was when I was in 1st year college, because it was the time that I felt the biggest struggle of accepting the fact that I’m gay and that the church says it is a sin; but it was also the time that I really felt that I was in love, and not merely attracted, to a guy friend. Unfortunately, this love remained unrequited.

Lord please help me understand!*

While I would not want to make a big issue about my sexual orientation, there simply are some facets to it that I could not simply let pass me by. One is the seeming conflict between my religion and my sexual preference. I grew up as a Catholic, although I am not a very religious person. The Catholic church says, "Okay, so you're gay. That doesn't matter. Just don't be a practicing one." What the?! How can that be? It's as if by accepting the manner by which the Church "accepts" PLUs (people like us), I have acceded to the view of the Church that gays should practice celibacy and single blessedness or otherwise be condemned. That I simply cannot allow my conscience to take.

For isn't it also true that the Church teaches that the Lord is a loving and just God? I believe that. And for me, it means that everyone has a right to be loved, everyone has a right to an intimate and even sexual relationship, whether they are straight or not.

My problem now is how to reconcile my own belief with the traditions of the Church. For instance, while I would want to receive communion, I could not do so without confessing. But the Church taught us to confess every sin that we remember, and that knowingly concealing from the priest any sin committed is also a sin. So, how could I confess without having to tell that I am still willing to enter a same sex relationship? By the Catholic Church's standards, I would be committing a sin, and a mortal one at that. But isn't that unfair?

As of now, I just opted to maintain a personal relationship with the Lord, whether I get to receive communion or not. I still go to Church and hear God's word, but I do not receive communion. And I admit this is really tough for me. Because I would still want to belong to a church, to a religious community where PLUs are accepted without any conditions attached.

*Reposted from my downelink blog.