Your Gayness

Phantastic!

2011-10-17T23:27:00.004+08:00

It was supposed to be an ordinary Monday night at the mall. I decided to get my haircut so I took a jeepney ride to SM North EDSA. I usually get off in front of the Main Building and head straight to Fix. But tonight, partly because I was sleepy, I absent-mindedly got off in front of SM The Block. On the way to Fix, I passed by SM Cinemas, and saw The Phantom of the Opera on schedule. I asked the cashier until when it will be shown, and she said tomorrow would be its last day. Thinking that I could try to watch later, I still went to Fix to try to get my haircut as a walk-in client. Unfortunately, my stylist would be available at 8:30pm, so I decided against waiting for my turn and told myself I am watching The Phantom of the Opera tonight.

At the ticket booth, I was surprised to find out that it only has one screening time for the night. I bought my ticket and still had time to take dinner. After dinner and buying a few more stuff, I went to the theater.

I was not expecting that the first part would contain interviews here and there about the show. To some extent, I was getting impatient and I wanted the show to start immediately. But what can I do? It's The Phantom of the Opera's 25th Anniversary Performance, and this should be expected. So I watched, I waited, and updated my Facebook status.

And then the show started. I was in London. Nah, but it felt like it. The Royal Albert Hall had so much people, and I was excited to see how the stage would transform from scene to scene. Sure, I watched the movie version of the musical years back (only to be horribly disappointed with the execution of the musical numbers) and the producers can do almost anything to make scenes believable. But production on stage is more challenging. And I must say, the scene transitions and stage design are simply breathtaking.

Can I just say I fell in love with Sierra Boggess? I first heard her in the cast recording of Love Never Dies, together with Ramin Karimloo. And it was such a treat to watch them play their roles in the original Phantom musical. Sierra gave life to Christine, and it was refreshing to see Christine in a different light, as compared to Emmy Rossum's movie portrayal. Ramin had quite a few misses here and there, but his portrayal of the role was powerful, convincing, and moving, nonetheless.

The way Christine and The Phantom parted ways towards the end somehow made the story of Love Never Dies plausible, as it sent me the message that Christine was at this point in love with The Phantom but just had to go with Raoul.

There were still quite a few surprises after curtain call, and to say that I loved them is an understatement. Haha I won't spill the beans since my very few readers might still catch the show and I do not want to spoil the surprise.

Watching the 25th Anniversary Performance of The Phantom of the Opera made me want more for it to be staged here in the Philippines. I hope someday they would bring it here. But for now, I will just wait for its DVD release.

Have a phantastic night! :)

Awesome Threesome

2010-07-13T00:01:00.006+08:00

I went to a threesome this weekend, and it was orgasmic—actually better than that. Together with friends I met through MGGFF, I went to the launch of Threesome: Books to Break the Rules. It was the launching of the following blogs-turned-books: McVie's The Wetbook: Stories from the Bathhouse, E's The Chronicles of E, and Migs' Dear Migs: Letters to MGG, the Manila Gay Guy.

It was a mix of emotions. There was anxiety of what to expect at the launch. I also felt the paranoia and excitement of seeing familiar faces, paranoia because of the possibility that I'll come out once more to someone I know personally, and excitement because of the thought that if I indeed see someone familiar there, it's either he's one of us or at the very least accepting of us. Then as the authors presented their books, I laughed at the authors' humor, got teary-eyed a bit at the heartwarming stories, admired the courage of E and Migs to come out in the open (sige na nga isali ko na rin si McVie, hehe), and just felt happy that I witnessed this momentous occasion for these three bloggers/authors, their editors, and the new publisher in town, Grey Matter Publishing. Congratulations to all of you!

I was also able to see, although not mingle with, Cookie Chua, Ryan Chua, and RG Cruz—haha shy type ako. :)

Of course, I was able to see some friends again, meet new ones, see online friends in person, and see a number of hot, goodlooking guys. I'd like to send a special shoutout to that one hot guy who, most of the time, caught me looking at him. Haha. I wish I could see you again. :)

Now I can say that once in my life, I joined a threesome and it felt gooood—way better than what any casual sexual encounter could offer. :)

For those interested in buying the books, you can buy online at mybookstore.ph for now. Soon they will be available in National Book Store. So buy, read, and share with your friends. :)

Mr. Hairstylist

2010-06-21T23:10:00.004+08:00

Whenever I need a haircut, there's this feeling of anxiety because I might end up having a bad haircut. So when I get to have a barber or stylist who's familiar with the hairstyle I'm comfortable with, I stick with him/her.

I remember the first time I "met" him, he was wearing this white polo that really looked good on him. He's fairly cute, err... hot. His biceps were to die for, and I love seeing him smile. So yeah, by now it must be clear to you that I have a crush on my hairstylist. :p He has been my suki for months now.

I skipped one haircut last month and instead went to another branch of theirs, the one in Makati, since my schedule was hectic that day and it was practical for me to get it done there since I was in the area for a meeting.

After a month, my hair started to make me feel that it needs some grooming. So earlier this evening after office hours, I went to the mall to get my haircut. Of course, I called on my crush, I mean, suki. When he examined my hair, he asked me who last touched it. I told him I had it done in their Makati branch. So he started telling me that he used to work in that branch, and he asked me the name of the stylist, which I forgot. Haha.

As the conversation continued, I learned that he also worked in their branch in Ortigas before transferring to TriNoma. During the conversation, and while he was giving me a haircut, I was subtly trying to get a glimpse of his face. Haha. I don't know if he sensed it, but I was really enjoying the moment.

When he was done, I was a little surprised that he made the effort of blowing my hair dry and applying hair gel to my hair since there are times when he usually leaves the task to his assistant. He might just really be in the mood to do that, but deep inside I was hoping he was doing it to impress me. Haha.

Up until I paid for the service and before I left, I was really tempted to get his number, or to at least subtly give him my number. But then again, I felt this was uncalled for, as I could just be assuming too much. I'm not hoping that he would make the move either because he is employed there and I'm a client. And of course, I was not even sure if he is gay or bi. He might be straight for all I know. There are straight hairstylists, even though I've only seen one in fiction—Adam Sandler's character in You Don't Mess with the Zohan, who's also good in one other thing aside from hairstyling. (wink wink)

To my hairstylist: If by any chance you happen to read this entry, and you happen to realize that this is you I'm talking about, please ignore my Zohan remark. (Peace! and Hugs!) Hahaha landi!

Fail

2010-04-30T17:59:00.003+08:00

I was on my way home aboard a tricycle when I saw my crush who lives somewhere along the way. He was walking his dog again. Since he was looking at me (or I was thinking it was me he was looking at) I decided to look him straight in the eye just to try if he will look the other way. After all, I was riding a trike and I don't think he will make a big deal out of it. Plus, I've been wanting to give him a hint that I like him since the day I saw him, but something always held me back. So this time, I decided to give it a try. And so there, I looked him straight in the eye. He seemed to grin, but then as the trike I was in drove past him, I just realized that perhaps the way I looked at him was fierce enough that he could easily misinterpret that I was frowning at him, or that I had a bad day. Blame the trike and the road 'coz it was not an easy ride. I should've smiled. Haha.

Hmm, calling the Quezon City Engineering Department: Please conduct road repairs at _________ Street as soon as possible. Dahil sa baku-bakong daan, nasisira ang diskarte ko. Hahaha. Kiddin'.

Airport

2009-09-10T15:51:00.003+08:00

It happened during one of my recent trips back to Manila. Before boarding the plane, I usually go to the restroom to prepare myself for the flight so that I won't have to compete with other passengers for a turn in the lavatory before the plane takes off. So at the pre-departure area, I went to the restroom. On my way to the restroom, I noticed this cute guy seated on one of the front row seats. I just glanced at him and I think he also glanced at me.

Inside the restroom, while I was urinating, I noticed him enter and wash his hands first. He then went to the urinal. I was finished by then and went to the sink to wash my hands. Then I stayed longer to check how I look. He then went to the sink and made his way to the only working faucet--the one I recently used. I glanced at him to acknowledge his presence and to signal that he can take his turn. Then he walked away.

To my surprise, before walking through the door, he asked, "Ilang taon ka na?" to which I asked back, "Are you talking to me?" Then that was the start of a conversation. I answered his question and then asked him the same question. He is one year younger than me. As we made our way out of the restroom, we talked about why we were traveling. I learned that he was from the nearby municipality and just visited his relatives. I wanted to ask his name and number, but I couldn't find the courage to do so. Then he asked, "Can I have your number?" I gave him my phone number and then he asked what my name is. Then I also asked for his name and number. Let's call him L.

Then the call to board came. He asked what my seat number was. I told him I was seated at row 30. I was with a superior that day, so I couldn't let him see me talking to this new guy I just met. As I made my way to the plane, I texted L and told him I was seated on this row and asked for his seat number. He told me he was at row 26.

Inside the plane, I realized we were both on the aisle seats on opposite sides of the plane, and we could see each other from where we were seated. We exchanged smiles once in a while. He also talked to me while waiting for his turn to use the lavatory. Good thing my companion was asleep that time.

When we reached Manila, I was able to spend a little more time with L at NAIA Terminal 3. On our way to the baggage claim area, I asked him where he was going, and he said he was on his way to Manila. On the other hand, I will be going to Quezon City with my superior. While waiting for our baggage, we were exchanging text messages, trying to know more about each other. Then I left ahead of him.

We continued to exchange text messages in the evening upon returning home. However, he left for a one-week trip abroad with his boss last Sunday. His phone was not on roaming though. I hope when he gets back, he would still keep in touch and I hope this could be the start of a new friendship. Or if something better comes out of it, then that would be great. On the other hand, if he won't keep in touch, sorry na lang siya! Hehe. But I'm hoping he will.

Edit (November 4, 2009):
--When he returned we continued to exchange SMS but could not schedule a meetup. We were okay, but it seems he only wants to be friends. Haha. Hay naku, naudlot na naman. :p

Some Random Thoughts

2009-07-04T00:00:00.006+08:00

Last Father's Day, I received a call from my Dad. I greeted him, and we talked for a while. He asked me how I was, in terms of work, health, etc. Then he asked me: Are you planning to stay single all your life? (My immediate family knows I'm gay, but so far, only my sister is okay with it. My parents are okay with it as long as I don't act on it. Kumusta naman 'yon di ba?!) I was stunned and speechless. Fortunately, he followed the question with the statement that I should ask God what His plan for me is, etc. So I just replied that I'm doing it. Well, I really am asking God to show me His plan for me, but still I hope He gives me a guy to be my partner, if He wills it. :p I wish I had the strength to tell this to my Dad, but I didn't want to ruin his special day. Still, I'm hoping the day will come that He, along with the rest of my family, would be okay with it.

Just the other day, my colleagues and I were talking about sexuality. I was surprised to learn that one of them was very okay with her friends being gay, and that she was even trying to pair two of them up. I was almost tempted to come out to them that day, but still, I didn't feel like I have to announce it. It has been my decision that in coming out to friends and other people, I must not tell them I'm gay unless they ask. The problem is they don't ask. They didn't even ask me that day. So I'm still stuck in my closet. Anyway, I have a feeling that this colleague of mine will sooner or later ask me, because I think she already saw my gay blog subscriptions more than a year ago when she suddenly used my PC. (so careless, haha. buti na lang RSS feeds lang yung nakita nya at walang kasamang NSFW images). She never asked me about it though. :D Maybe if I add her to my Facebook friends, she would see my fan pages on several gay-themed movies. Haha. And then I would have the chance to come out to her. Or maybe I won't. Bahala na si Batman! :D

Treat Yourself to BARE: A Rock Musical

2009-02-15T22:55:00.006+08:00

Starting February 17, 2009, the Ateneo Blue Repertory Company will stage Bare, the rock musical revolving around the story of Jason and Peter, two gay teenagers struggling to find their place in society as they are about to graduate from a Catholic high school.

Jason, the senior class golden boy hides a secret romance with Peter, his roommate. Peter wishes to drop the facade, but this could destroy Jason’s reputation. Ivy’s entrance to the scene makes the situation more complicated, as the popular girl pursues Jason.

Bare is a musical tackling the tensions faced by teenagers struggling to find their identity. With musical direction by Felix Rivera (Musical Director of Blue Rep’s High School Musical) and directed by Ana Abad-Santos (Director of Repertory Philippines’ Hamlet), Bare runs from February 17 to March 7 at the Fine Arts Exhibit Hall, 3/F Gonzaga Hall, Ateneo de Manila University.

With tickets at P200 each, why not give yourself and your friends a post-Valentine treat? For details, contact Alexa Yupangco at 09177220805, or visit http://BareManila.multiply.com. Play dates are as follows:

February 17, Tuesday – 8 PM
February 18, Wednesday – 8 PM
February 19, Thursday – 8 PM
February 20, Friday – 8 PM
February 21, Saturday – 8 PM
February 24, Tuesday – 8 PM
February 25, Wednesday – 8 PM
February 26, Thursday – 8 PM
February 27, Friday – 8 PM
February 28, Saturday – 8 PM
March 3, Tuesday – 8 PM
March 4, Wednesday – 8 PM
March 5, Thursday – 8 PM
March 6, Friday – 8 PM
March 7, Saturday – 8 PM

Updated (February 26, 2009)

No Way! Are You Serious?!

2009-01-19T22:22:00.002+08:00

We were on our way to church. I was clad in Barong Tagalog, and so was everybody else (except for the ladies, of course). My Mom seemed excited over what was going to happen. It was not until after a few minutes that I realized we were on our way to a wedding. I wondered whose wedding it was. When we arrived at the church, I found out that the wedding’s motif was yellow. Everything seemed nice. But still, one question bothered me: who’s getting married? Then, it suddenly dawned on me. I was getting married. What?! What the heck was that? As far as I can remember, I’m gay and I had no girlfriend. But no, everything seemed so real. It was really happening. I even knew the name of the girl I was marrying.

I was so shocked and did not know how to react. How could it happen? At that moment, I was already thinking of whether to push through with the wedding, and make my life even more miserable by living a lie, or just abandon the bride and embarrass everyone. I wanted to scream. I felt I was cheated because somehow a wedding was arranged between me and someone without me knowing it until the day of the wedding. I couldn’t breathe. And then...

I was on my bed. I was not wearing any Barong. I was in my room. It was all just a dream...err, a nightmare! Thank God! Whew! What a relief! :p If it had been for real, I would have chosen to be a runaway bride, err... I mean groom.

>>How about you? If in real life you were forced to marry a girl, would you give in?

Eating Out

2009-01-05T10:32:00.002+08:00

Nope. This isn't about the movie. Hehe.

I just wanna share what happened last night when I ate at a fast food outlet near our place. I have been at that branch only once and decided not to eat there again because their tofu there really sucks. Last night, however, there was no other open fast food outlet in the area, and I was very hungry and had no time to cook dinner. So I decided to eat at this fast food outlet.

I ordered one meal of breaded pork with rice, and a serving of soup. When I realized that it's taking way too long for my meal to arrive, I asked the service crew about it. I heard the cashier, the store manager, and kitchen crew discussing that my order had already been served minutes ago. It turned out that they gave my order to another group. The service crew got my rice meal from that group's table, and served it to me. What the?! I almost lost control. Annoyed and hungry, I asked him to get me another one from the kitchen as it has already been exposed to others, having been served minutes ago.

Upon finding out that the soup I ordered, which unfortunately was served upon the wrong table was the last they could offer, the manager decided to give me the free soup that usually goes with their meals, and offered me a complimentary serving of another side dish. I also got a refund for the soup which I originally ordered.

While all this was happening, I was really telling myself not to eat at that fast food outlet again, at least not at that branch. I would have complained. But thanks to the store manager, she knew what to do. At least I was satisfied with what I ate.

I was just appalled at how the customers at the other table behaved. I mean, they knew that the food given them was not included in their order, but they did not even inform the crew who served it. The nerve!

Awkward Moment at SM

2008-11-19T12:06:00.002+08:00

Last Saturday I bought a DVD of the movie Ang Lihim ni Antonio (Antonio's Secret) at the Record Bar of SM Department Store. I watched it at home, but realized that the disc is damaged because there was a particular frame where the movie pauses for a few seconds and could not be controlled by either the forward or rewind buttons. I was able to finish the movie, but I thought I had to have it replaced to get my money's worth. So last night I went to the record bar to have it replaced.

When I arrived there, the saleslady asked me what the matter was. So I told her what was wrong with the disc. To my surprise she said, "Let's play the movie, and show me where it pauses." What?! I asked her where she plans to play the movie, and she told me she would play it right there, at the TV/DVD Player in the Record Bar in full view of other shoppers. At that moment, the disc being played was still in full volume, so I told her never mind. But she insisted. All this time the disc was with her, and she was about to put it inside the player. I was hesitant. I really wanted to have the disc replaced, and thought maybe it would be alright if she would just mute the volume. But I also didn't want to get embarrassed, so I changed my mind. But she was insisting that we play the movie. Our conversation went like this:

Me: Miss, kailangan pa ba talaga i-play?

SL: Yes, Sir, kasi kailangan naming i-note kung saang particular part yung sinasabi n'yong sira, kasi tatanungin din kami.

Me: Ganun ba? 'Wag na lang.

SL: Hindi, Sir, okay lang. I-play na natin para maituro mo kung nasaan yung sira.

Me: 'Wag na lang kasi nakakahiya. Kitang-kita ng mga dumadaan.

SL: Okay lang yan, Sir, pinanood na rin namin 'yan.

Me: 'Wag na nga, kasi not for the general public yung movie, restricted kaya yan, tsaka diyahe talagang makita yung exact frame kung saan nagha-hang yung movie. Tapos ang lakas lakas pa ng volume n'yo.

SL: Napanood na nga namin yan Sir. Kung gusto nyo, i-play n'yo na lang ulit sa bahay then i-note n'yo yung time code kung saan tumitigil. Tapos ibalik n'yo dito.

Me: Ah, so pwedeng ganun na lang?

SL: Opo, tapos i-play pa rin natin dito.

Me: Ha?! Ipe-play pa rin talaga dito? 'Wag na lang, Miss. Akin na, hindi ko na lang papapalitan. Diyahe talaga eh.

SL: Okay sige po.

And then I left. I was laughing at myself, thinking of what just happened. Oh well, I'd rather keep this disc even with a little damage, than risk being humiliated in front of other shoppers who would have seen the movie playing. Now, for those of you who are curious regarding the exact frame I was talking about, watch the original DVD release and set this time code: 00:22:11. You would know why I didn't agree to play it at the record bar. Hint: the scene involves Antonio (played by Kenjie Garcia) and Nathan (played by Niño Fernandez).

I should have asked them if they have a private viewing room or something. Haha.

It's Over

2008-11-18T11:19:00.004+08:00

We both wanted it. When he asked for a cool-off, it gave me time to think things over. In the end I realized I'm better off without him. Two weeks before we talked, I already had a feeling that we are headed for a breakup. I thought it would make things easy. We met last Saturday to talk. We gave our reasons and decided to put an end to our relationship. It was a mutual decision. But moving on could be a difficult thing to do--especially after he told me that he's already seeing someone new. I don't know if it was just my ego that was hurt, but one sure thing is that it hurts to know that it was that easy for him to replace me in his heart. Well, I guess I really am better off without him.

Of Jeeps and Creeps

2008-10-27T16:17:00.004+08:00

Last Thursday night was just a regular night on my way home. I rode the jeep at Philcoa. Then somewhere along the Elliptical Road, a guy came on board. While I kept looking at the road, I could see from my peripheral view that this guy was looking around, looking at the other passengers, looking at me (but trust me, he was beginning to freak me out...), and looking and looking. He then called the attention of the old woman beside him by tapping her lower back, and when she looked his way, he pretended not to notice. *&^$, I even thought he knew her! Then as a few passengers went aboard the jeep in one of the stops, this guy looked my way and smiled (from ear to ear, showing teeth and all). I thought it was just nothing, but then he kept looking at me. He kept looking once in a while and smiling (again, teeth and all). I was only relieved when I alighted the jeep at my destination and he did not follow me... Whew! Scary!!!

It would have been better if he just glanced at me once in a while, without trying to send any message at all. I was so freaked out. So that's how it feels, huh?... :p

Gay and Happy!

2008-08-21T09:41:00.002+08:00

Redundant eh? I'm just so happy that my sister and I had been closer than ever, and she already accepts me for who I am... She now knows I'm seeing someone, and last night, she met him, although not formally, hehe.

And there's another reason why I'm so happy today! I'm not saying though... I just wanna cherish the moment. :)

Coming Out: Latest Edition

2008-07-07T10:41:00.004+08:00

Last Saturday morning, I was bored and had nothing to do. I remembered a friend way back in 2nd year college who I just saw again last week. We had a great conversation when we met. I actually felt infatuated with him that night, although during our college days he was really just a friend. Anyway, I asked him how he is, and here’s our conversation:

Him: eto, cute pa rin. :-) kaw?

Me: hahaha… eto payatot pa rin at cute pa rin (gaya-gaya, hehe)

Him: ano balita? ano bago?

Me: Ganun pa rin. work, ganun pa rin. lovelife, ganun pa rin. single. (I actually opened up the lovelife part in the hope of him saying that he’s also single…)

Him: choice mo ba’ng maging single?

Me: hindi… actually, it’s complicated.

Him: hehehe, friendster.

Me: hahaha… basta… can u keep a secret?

Him: sure, ako pa.

Me: I’m gay.

I was worried of what his answer would be. And then:

Him: so? it does not make you less of a person. kelan pa?

I was relieved of his open-minded answer. So I told him the same old story of coming to terms with my sexuality. I was actually frustrated that he said he's straight, but nonetheless, I’m glad that he was okay with what I told him. Thank God for people like him. I actually took a very big risk by coming out to him, but whatever happens, I don’t really mind. At least I can be myself when I’m dealing with him.

P.S. Now you know where boredom could lead to.

Here I Go Again...

2008-06-18T13:23:00.003+08:00

This morning, on board a jeep on my way to work, I noticed this cute moreno guy sitting at the end nearest the door. He was wearing a shirt, gray shorts, white socks, and white rubber shoes. I was on the opposite side, with three others beside me. I glanced at the guy, and he also looked at me. Our eyes met, but we immediately turned our eyes away from each other's eyes. (puro eyes ah) When the three people beside me alighted the jeep, I moved to the end right across the guy. He looked at me, I looked at him, our eyes met again, we looked away again; all this happened twice I think. I did not actually know what he was thinking so I waited for him to make a move. Unfortunately, he didn't make any. I looked at him more, but when he finally called on the driver to stop as he was about to leave, I looked away. On his way out, I saw from my peripheral view that he looked towards my direction. But since I was not looking, I never had the chance to see if he made any signal or what. He alighted near the PLDT office along East Avenue, and walked towards Jollibee without looking back, even as I was looking at him the whole time.

Could he be gay? Or was it just nothing at all? Anyway, if he is gay, I hope he reads this and realizes that he is the guy here and that I really like him. And that I hope to see him again, and that next time, I hope he makes a move. Haha.

Anti-Discrimination in the Philippines

2008-06-06T11:30:00.000+08:00

As I was reading through my blog subscriptions this morning, I came across AJ's entry on what we should know about the Anti-Discrimination Bill (HB 956), which he got from Jonas Bagas. After reading the entry, I checked the House of Representatives website to check the status of the bill. Here is what I found:

HB00956
Session No.: 14-1RS-006
Significance: N
Date Filed: 2007-07-10
Full Title: AN ACT PROHIBITING DISCRIMINATION ON THE BASIS OF SEXUAL ORIENTATION AND GENDER IDENTITY AND PROVIDING PENALTIES THEREFOR
Short Title: "Anti-Discrimination Act"
Principal Author: HONTIVEROS-BARAQUEL, ANA THERESIA "RISA"
Date Read: 2007-08-01
Primary Referral: HUMAN RIGHTS
Bill Status: Pending with the Committee on HUMAN RIGHTS since 2007-08-01

*Source: House of Representatives. House Bills and Resolutions Online Query

It's sad to know that the bill as filed during the 14th Congress is still pending at the committee level 10 months after it's referral. But what's more saddening is the fact that LGBT groups have been pushing for this since 1999, according to Mr. Jonas Bagas. I am hoping that this bill becomes a law soon, but to do that, there is a great need to educate and enlighten those who are against it, and to gain the support of those who are inclined not to act for or against the approval of the bill. While this blog may only be visited by a few, I am still hoping that I could help in little ways for this cause.

Allow me to repost an excerpt of Mr. Bagas' entry:

Ten things you need to know about the Anti-Discrimination Bill:

Fight for equal rights for lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgenders (LGBTs) by pushing for the passage of the Anti-Discrimination Bill (HB 956) authored by AKBAYAN Rep. Risa Hontiveros-Baraquel.

Here’s what the bill is all about:

Equal rights, not special rights. The bill does not grant additional or special rights to LGBTs. What it does is criminalize violations to the human rights and freedoms on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity. The bill affirms and promotes human rights and freedoms that are enshrined in the Constitution.

Equality in schools. The bill prohibits discrimination against LGBT students, which usually takes place through unfair admission policies, unjust expulsion, and unreasonable disciplinary actions.

Equal opportunities in employment. By criminalizing unfair labor practices and policies on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity, the bill promotes decent jobs for LGBT workers.

Removing stigma in healthcare. The bill bans hospitals, clinics, and medical personnel like doctors and nurses from discriminating against or abusing LGBT patients.

Fighting police abuse. Stiffer penalties are imposed on law enforcers who abuse the law – from bagansya to the anti-trafficking law - to harass, torture, or extort money from LGBTs.

Organizing for LGBT pride. The bill affirms the freedom of assembly and association by disallowing discrimination in the establishment of LGBT groups in schools, workplace, communities and in politics.

Equal access to establishments. The bill ensures that establishments that are open to the public like malls, restaurants, and bars, among others, are open to all, regardless of sexual orientation and gender identity.

Gays and lesbians in the police and military. The police and military are barred from screening out competent LGBTs who want to join the force. Under the bill, they are also not allowed to remove LGBT policeman or woman and soldiers due to their sexual orientation and gender identity.

Penalizing discrimination. Under the bill, a person found guilty of discriminating against LGBTs can be fined up to P500,000 and/or imprisoned for a maximum of six years. S/he may also be required to undergo human rights education.

About non-discrimination, not same-sex marriage. Homophobic groups wrongfully claim that the bill is about same-sex marriage. Here’s the truth: 1.) the legal recognition of same-sex marriage requires a separate bill, and; 2.) there is absolutely nothing wrong about consensual same-sex relationships.

Is it too much to ask not to be treated as second-class citizens? Please, WE DO NEED THIS BILL SIGNED INTO LAW!

Oh My Friend, Are U One of Us?

2008-06-04T17:50:00.000+08:00

I went out with my college friends a few weeks back. One of them was the guy who I would consider my first love, although it was a one-way thing because I never told him how I really felt for him despite the fact that I already came out to them (my barkada) a few years back. As usual, we all tried to catch up on what's happening with our lives, in terms of career, family, karir (as in love life). Haha. My friends teased him that he's gay, 'coz he never talked about who he is dating, although it seemed pretty obvious that he was indeed seeing someone. And while all this was happening, I was so hopeful that he would finally come out to us. Although I never really thought that he could be gay, I have always wished that he is. I was so into him during our college years. I remember even giving up some time to study on weekends just so I could be with him. We were actually very close until I came out to them. He became aloof. And so I did not have the chance to even tell him how I feel. I don't know if the reason why he distanced himself from me was that he felt that I had a thing for him and didn't want me to pursue it, or that he is indeed one of us and was afraid that I would find out. Anyway, up to now I still am clueless as to whether he's straight or not. But I do hope that if ever he is one of us, he would tell me eventually, not so much because I hope to get romantically involved with him, but because I need to have someone close to my heart with whom I can really be myself.

Please Release Me...

2008-05-30T09:38:00.005+08:00

The other night, I dreamed of meeting one hot guy who told me straight in the face, "Sige na, mukhang gustong gusto mo na akong halikan eh." ("Go ahead, it seems you badly want to kiss me.") And so we engaged in one long torrid kiss. It seemed so real. Unfortunately, nothing else happened.

Last night, I slept with hopes of this dream having a continuation. When I woke up this morning, I was frustrated that I had no idea what my dream was all about. On my way to work, I sat beside this tall and cute guy and I was lucky enough that the jeep was full, so I had an excuse to rub my thigh against his. (I'm so bad...) I felt the tension inside me. But then, I had to go to work and had to be contented with that. At least my mind could be diverted from thoughts of hot guys and stuff while I'm at work.

As I was checking my blog subscriptions, I had to see this post from Migs, the Manila Gay Guy! Oh brother! Dennis Trillo is dancing topless, with Careless Whisper as BGM. It seems I hear another song singing, "Please release me, let me go..." from inside me... Waaah! It would be one hell of a day. Hay...

Lea...

2008-05-08T10:52:00.004+08:00

Lea Salonga celebrates her musical career on May 23 and 24 at the PICC Plenary Hall with Lea, My Life... On Stage. Join her as she relives the highlights of her career from childhood to West End to Broadway and to what she is as a performer today. Buy your tickets now at Ticketworld outlets or at the Ticketworld website.

What the?!

2008-05-07T14:02:00.000+08:00

Last weekend, I was chatting with someone and while we were at the customary NASL? Stats?, he asked me, "So are you bi?" I answered, "I'm gay." To which he replied, "Oh, so you are a gay!" I wanted to correct him with his use of "a" but I decided not to. I thought perhaps it was just a simple mistake on his part. But he kept repeating it. I eventually said goodbye.

But something worse was yet to come. While chatting with another guy, he asked me, "So are you a male, gay, or bi?" We both knew at this point that we are both males, since we already exchanged information about our age, sex, and location. What's wrong with him? I told him, "Hey, we are both males, so please clarify your question." He answered, "Are you a male, gay, or bi?" And I figured what he meant to ask was whether I am straight, gay, or bisexual. So I told him I'm gay, without trying to conceal the fact that I was really pissed off. Gosh, they're giving me a headache.

That's what you get from a boring weekend.

...Rays of Hope...

2008-04-24T14:32:00.003+08:00

I was in a meeting earlier today. Anyway, over lunch, some of our superiors who were in that meeting discussed some issues which incidentally touched on the sexuality of one of their contemporaries. I was beaming with hope inside because some of them were very okay with it. They were saying there is nothing wrong with being gay or with a man having sex with another man. Unfortunately I did not hear my boss or my colleagues say anything for or against it at all, so maybe perhaps it is not yet time for me to tell them I'm gay when they bug me again with the question, "Do you have a girlfriend?" or some other similar remarks. Nevertheless, it really was a relief that at least I know now that there are some people in our organization who are very open-minded about it. I just hope nobody noticed how happy I was upon hearing those non-homophobic remarks. :D

Jeepney

2008-04-01T10:14:00.000+08:00

Last week, I was on my way to work when I noticed this cute guy inside the jeepney. His face wasn’t that perfect, but he looked hot. He looked innocent. He looked young, but his body looked developed I’d like to see him naked (uh oh, too early to get horny…) If only I could see through the UP shirt he was wearing. Anyway, I did the only thing I could do when in this kind of situation (now don’t get your minds green): I just glanced at him once in a while. He glanced my way too. I didn’t really know what to make of it: was he also one of us and testing the waters if I would give in, or was he straight and getting ready to humiliate me in front of everyone? Anyway, since the jeepney ride was short, I had no chance to know. What surprised me though was that as I was about to go down, he put his leg across the exit in such a way that I would have to squeeze my way out. Oh brother! I was tempted to touch and squeeze his thigh! Haha. But the decent side of me decided to get out as quickly as possible. As the jeepney took off, I glanced at him, and I saw him looking at me. Argh! Should I have done something or what?!

Anyway, last Saturday, on my way home after meeting up with a friend (hey, thanks for showing up!), I was inside the jeepney when I saw this cute hunk. He looked older than me, perhaps late 20s or early 30s. His beautiful eyes looked so innocent, and his lips were oh so kissable! I wanted him to look at me, but he never did. Well I guess he had an idea that I was way head over heels about him, but perhaps he just decided to ignore me.

Haha, so there I was, drooling over this guy and wishing that the ride would never end. Then I noticed the guy beside him smile, as if jokingly. And then I realized he caught me looking at the cute guy. About a minute later, the cute guy, the other guy, and the girl across them went down. What the?! I didn’t know they were together. Haha, I guess they were all laughing at the gay boy who’s gone gaga over the hunk.

What is it with jeepney rides anyway? Fate lets you come across with any guy who could be the man of your dreams only to have you wake up to reality when the ride ends. Oh well, that’s life! And it’s even harder for a gay guy.

Eye Candy

2008-03-07T21:46:00.005+08:00

Still busy...

Anyway, my officemate has a catalogue of clothing, including underwear. And I just wanna say that I have a crush on the image model for the briefs. Haha... Gwapo talaga! Nakakapanghina. With such angelic face matched with naughty eyes, I'm tempted to scan the page and print a poster size copy. Haha. Kaso baka mahuli ako! So hinihiram ko na lang pretending that I'm looking for something to buy. :D
------------
Edit...

Eto na yung photo...

Or eto na lang... para wholesome... hehe...

wafu talaga... hay.

Pahabol post for Valentine's Day: New Poll!

2008-02-13T15:30:00.003+08:00

Love is in the air... Really? Well, just wanna know what you guys think of when Valentine's Day approaches. Pahabol na lang ito, vote na kayo please (haha, nagmakaawa...)

For answers not indicated in the options, feel free to comment on this post. :)

Hay, kababawan...

What A First Time Clubbing Experience?!

2008-01-29T19:24:00.000+08:00

When my friend Gee and I decided to meet up in Malate, I started to think of what excuse is plausible enough to ward off any suspicion as to where I'm going. My sets of friends have some common individuals (or intersections when talking about sets in Math, haha), and that would mean that if I tell my family or a particular set of friends that I'm going out with one set of friends or another, they would have a way of verifying the truth of such statement. I was already thinking of asking a girl friend to whom I came out recently to cover for me. However, while of all those who know that I'm gay, she is the one who I really think is very accepting of my sexuality, I still had reservations because one, I would be asking her to lie for me in case my family decides to call her, and two, I don't even know how to start asking such a favor from her. As the date of the Malate gimmick approached, I realized that I have one set of friends which is isolated from my other sets of friends, such that there is a very slight possibility, if not none at all, of contact and verification as to whether I really went out with them. So I made my decision to name such group as my buddies for the night.

26 January 2008

I met Gee at Robinson's Place Manila at around 9:30 in the evening. It was our first time to see each other in person and while I've seen his photos and while we have exchanged messages for quite a long time, eyeballs still make me shiver. Perhaps it's because of the uncertainty of whether or not we would click as friends in person, and of the worry at the back of my head that someone I know might see me in Manila at such time.

We had dinner first and then started calling friends if they would be able to come. Gee was already worried because it seemed that most of those who confirmed their presence would not be able to make it.

From Robinson's, we went to Chowking along Taft Avenue and stayed there for a few minutes while asking friends to come and join us. I felt very uneasy because people stared at us. I wanted to tell them to just mind their own business! But then, I decided to ignore them.

We then decided to stay at Starbucks in Malate to wait for his friend Bong, who was stuck with two other friends at Gilligan's. There were too many people at Starbucks, so we decided to wait outside. While Bong was asking Gee to come to Gilligan's, Gee and I both felt uneasy with the idea of being salimpusa in their group, so we decided to wait at the corner of Orosa and Nakpil, underneath the trees. Although I had a feeling that people might think that we're looking for hookups since we are hiding in the dark, that night I felt more comfortable with that than having to risk being recognized by someone I know if I we stayed at a brighter spot.

Finally, Bong arrived. After some introduction and some chit-chats, Bong asked us to stay with him and his two friends at Gilligan's. But since we really felt uneasy with that idea, we decided to go back to Starbucks. I scanned the area for familiar faces, and fortunately, there were none. So we went inside and talked, and again texted and called friends who might be in the area.

January 27, 2008

It was past midnight. Finally, another friend of Gee replied and said that he is in Bed. We decided to go there. On our way there, I asked Gee, "What if someone who knows me sees me? If we see each other while we're both inside Bed, then that wouldn't be a problem (laughing)." But deep inside, I still felt scared at the idea.

Outside Bed, I looked at the building's facade and I told myself, "Gosh, I'm here." While we were queued at the entrance, I was shocked to see a familiar face! OMG! It was my supervisor back in my internship days. But not only was he my supervisor. He had been working with some projects our company is engaged in. That means he knows my colleagues. I immediately turned my back and just looked his way again when I felt that he was already inside the club.

Out of curiosity, I glanced at their direction to see who was with him. Looking at the face of his companion, I tried to figure out who this person is because he seemed familiar. I just couldn't think of where I saw him because I was seeing only half his face. It seemed that fate wanted to answer my question, and that fate was playing tricks on me because in just a few seconds, the guy looked at my direction. %$^&! He was one of our clients! I immediately covered my face, but I think he was able to see me. I figured that apparently, Mr. Supervisor is treating Mr. Client to a night out at Bed.

I told Gee that I saw familiar faces and they saw me. He told me to just ignore them and enjoy the night since the lights are dim. So we went in. He added, "Wish mo na lang na sana magkaiba tayo at sila ng floor na tatambayan." When we went inside, Gee's friend was at the second floor so we went up. And again, as if fate was really testing my limits, I saw Mr. Client sitting on a couch near us. I couldn't find Mr. Supervisor anywhere. I was already freaking out but then I told myself, "Wala nang atrasan, sayang ang entrance fee, sayang ang chance. Just enjoy the night." So I ignored them and tried not to think of their presence. I felt more comfortable when we moved to the ground floor.

So we drank and danced a little, because there were too many people inside. After a few hours, we went out of Bed for some air and to meet Bong outside. When Gee and I decided to go back to Bed, I saw a schoolmate just outside the door. Fortunately, he did not see me. And we went back in.

It was already 3:00a.m. There were no signs of Mr. Supervisor nor Mr. Client. I decided to go to the comfort room to pee. To my surprise, they had an aquarium for a divider! And while my bladder was already full, I couldn't concentrate on what I was doing, and nothing was coming out. Maybe it's partly because I was tempted to look beyond the aquarium, and partly because I felt uncomfortable that the guy at the other side of the aquarium might see my thing. And it felt even more uncomfortable because as I stood there without urine coming out, I thought that the guy beside me might think that I was there just to look at what the other guys are keeping in their pants. Immediately after I was finally able to urinate, I washed my hands and went out of the comfort room. Assessing how I reacted, I realized that I was actually amused that they had an aquarium for a divider! Haha.

We decided to go out of Bed and meet Bong and some other friends. We stayed just outside O Bar. We talked, and my knees were already shaking because I have been standing for too long. I was able to take a seat, and because I was already tired, I decided to hide behind Gee and the rest of the guys who were still talking.

At that moment, we were already just waiting for sunrise. And when I thought that fate had already stopped playing tricks on me, I saw yet another familiar face walk past us. It was a friend from our youth organization when I still stayed in the province. Although I know that there have been questions as to whether he's one of us or not, it was still possible that he was in the area either because he worked there, or because he was going somewhere and needed to set out early in the morning. Why? Because he had a big backpack, and he did not in any way look as if he came there to party. And with that, for him to see me is not an option! So I decided to hide again and postpone my own trip home until after he was out of sight.

So much for surprises, huh! I just hope that there was nobody else who saw me. And if ever there was anyone else, I hope he would keep his mouth shut. :D

Did I have fun? For someone like me who felt uncomfortable in bars, even in straight-oriented bars at that, I did. But what makes it more memorable is that I was finally able to meet a friend and take the friendship beyond cyberspace. Thanks, man.

Poll Results: Nature vs. Nurture

2008-01-22T13:20:00.000+08:00

I'd like to thank all those who voted in this poll. As you can see, out of the 41 voters, 17 believed that sexual orientation is a product of both nature and nurture, but more of nature. A close number of 16 voters believed that both affect sexual orientation, but attributed greater influence to nurture. Seven believed that nature alone affects sexual orientation, while only one believed that nurture alone does.

I personally believe that nature and nurture both play significant roles in shaping a person's sexual orientation. I remember when I was in college, in the midst of my growing confusion as to why I feel "different," as to why I feel attracted to guys instead of girls, I found comfort in the idea that people like us are genetically predisposed to be who we are now, and whether or not that genetic predisposition will materialize depends on how our environment affects us as we grow.

We do not know what the right answer to this question is, but thinking about this question could help others out there, whether people like us who are still confused, or straight individuals, friend or foe, to understand why we became who we are now.

My Most Important Wish this Year

2008-01-14T11:41:00.000+08:00

There's nothing more important than my wish to be accepted wholeheartedly by my family and friends. It has been almost four years since I came out to my family, and almost six years after I came out to some close friends. But still, I don't see even a remote possibility that they would understand that there's nothing I can do about it. When it comes to my family, we just end up having a heated argument whenever this issue is raised. With friends, we don't even get the chance to talk about it, but some of them manage to get the message across that they are not okay with it, usually through subtle remarks.

Last Saturday morning, I received a text message from one friend. The message read, "It's really sad that in this world, people would rather see two men holding guns, killing each other, than to see two men holding hands, loving one another." I forwarded it to my straight friends who know about me and to my sister. Nobody reacted, except for my sister. She just replied, "Kuya!" I didn't know what to make of it, so I shifted to another topic when I replied. When she came home, she didn't say a word about it.

In the afternoon, while we were at the Blue Magic stall in Megamall, she told me about this cute guy who was also there. When I told her that I also noticed the guy, she replied, in a tone that seemed annoyed, "Kuya, ayan ka na naman!" She already reacted that way to think that I just found the guy attractive. Wala pa akong boyfriend sa lagay na 'yan ha?

I asked a friend to give his comment about my sister's reactions and he thought that my sister has not yet accepted my sexual orientation. And he is right.

It's sad that the ones who I hoped would understand me are the ones who are hurting me the most.

Well, it has been like that for the past four to six years. I just hope 2008 would be a better year.

I Chickened Out Again

2007-12-18T16:03:00.000+08:00

I really hate myself. Last November 24, while walking from Megamall B to Megamall A via the Second Floor, I was surprised to see my former housemate, who is also the second guy I loved (he never knew, and I never told him... well, I still love him up to now), who I thought was out of the country. He said he was here in the Philippines for a two-week vacation. He asked me if I know where a particular shop is because he has to bring something there. I told him I knew the place, so I accompanied him. We continued walking towards Building A to the direction of the shop. As we were walking, I felt so happy and wished that this would never end. When we reached the shop, I was prepared to wait for him to finish his business there. To my surprise, he looked at me, thanked me, and shook my hand for helping him find the shop. Before I could even ask him if he would like to grab some dinner, he walked inside the shop.

Thinking that it was a sign for me to go, I walked away. In my mind, I felt bad that I wasn't able to hang out with him, or have a longer time to update each other on what's going on with our lives. I could not go back and ask him if he wants to have dinner after I walked a considerable distance, because that would appear to be an afterthought and that could give him the idea that I like him in an intimate kind of way. On one hand, it would have been good if he also likes me, but on the other hand, it would be a disaster if he turns out to be straight.

I headed towards the MetroStar Express in Ortigas and took a ride home, all the while blaming myself for my cowardice. I don't know... Maybe I'll just wait for Christmas, or my birthday, when he greets me again through Friendster.

It's just so difficult to figure him out. He has been so kind to me when were still housemates, and among my not so close friends, he is the only one who cares to greet me on my birthday. I don't know if he's just such an angel, or maybe it's just my mind and heart giving his gestures a different interpretation.

Another Gay Movie

2007-11-23T12:09:00.000+08:00

Does anyone know where to find a copy of this movie? I wanted to watch this movie since I saw the trailer last year on Youtube, as well as some clips. Gosh, Jonathan Chase is sooo hot! Hehe... And the actor playing Griff looked familiar, I just could not remember where I saw him. Then yesterday, I found out that his name was Mitch Morris... hmmm... rings a bell. OMG! It's Cody from Queer As Folk! Haha. I couldn't believe that he was that hottie, my long time crush in QAF. Haha. Anyway, I really want to watch this movie... I've been looking for it in video stores but to no avail. Anyone care to give that as a Christmas gift? Haha. Silly me.

Battle of the Hotties

2007-11-08T09:36:00.000+08:00

The Head & Shoulders versus Clear Anti-Dandruff Shampoo battle (hehe) has become a battle of the hotties. Shortly after Unilever launched its Clear TV Commercials, we started seeing this hot doctor (or whatever he is)--courtesy of Head & Shoulders--debunk Clear's statement that men and women are different even in scalp (men are supposed to be more susceptible to dandruff). And after quite some time, Clear started showing this interview of this cute guy, Jay, saying how Clear has worked for him.

Now, if we remove rational thinking and do not consider which of H&S and Clear actually work for each one of us, and just base our choice on these two hot guys, which anti-dandruff shampoo would you choose? (Silly question ba?)

Anyhow, thanks to Unilever and P&G (and their advertisers) for giving us such eye candies to behold.

Who's Watching Roxxxanne?

2007-10-02T15:05:00.000+08:00

Roxxxanne premieres on October 10, Wednesday, 7:00pm at the UP Film Center. See details from Migs, the Manila Gay Guy here.

By the way, I reserved two tickets, but I have yet to find someone to go with me. Anyone who wants to watch with me? Your ticket's my treat. Send me an e-mail on or before Tuesday noon. Thanks!

Update (10-10-07): Waaaahhhh! Can't watch tonight!

Okay, Son, You Can Go Out on Dates

2007-10-01T09:37:00.001+08:00

I was having a casual conversation with my mom and dad when suddenly, the topic shifted to my sexuality. My father began questioning me if I go out on dates with guys, to which I answered, "No." And I told him I couldn't even if I want to because he and Mom wouldn't let me. Even if I live apart from them, I am dead scared when meeting guys because I worry that someone we know might see me and tell my parents about it.

Suddenly, my dad told me, "Okay, you can date guys." I noticed my mom pinch my dad's hand as if telling him not to let me, but my dad stuck with the permission he gave me. I was so happy. Finally I can go out without worrying that my parents would disown me or that they would get hurt when they find out or whatever. I felt a newfound happiness, because a heavy burden was removed from my heart.

Then I heard my phone ring. I thought it was a call from someone. My joy turned into dismay when I realized that it was my alarm to wake up. Everything had only been a dream! A dream which I think would not come true given how my parents view homosexuality.

Why, oh why?

2007-09-21T14:39:00.000+08:00

I have always been unlucky in online networking sites. I have an account in Downelink, Connexion, and even in guys4men yet I could not get the attention of guys I like. When finally I received a message each in Downelink and Connexion, the senders were both old men--as in really old foreign men, you would suspect they were pedophiles! (sorry, bad...)

When I signed up for guys4men, I was amazed that it has a way of telling you which guys bookmarked you as a hottie (haha, in my dreams! well, I'm still hoping that someone hot could also find me hot... kinda have a low self-esteem here). And when I checked it, there was only one guy. Guess what? He was another oldie... I have nothing against old men. I know that I will also get old. But, they are just not my type. And I wonder why I seem to attract them... (sigh)

New Poll!

2007-09-17T17:32:00.000+08:00

I've created a poll on my blog (located at the upper right corner) and I ask readers to cast their votes by completing the following statement:

Sexuality/Sexual Orientation is a product of...

a. nature alone.
b. nurture alone.
c. both, but more of nature.
d. both, but more of nurture.

Please vote, and for discussion, you may post a comment here or email me at yourgayness@gmail.com. Thanks a lot!

Still John Uy

2007-09-17T11:08:00.000+08:00

"This will not be the last time you'll hear from me..." -- John James Uy, Be Bench Grand Finals Night, September 11, 2007

I already knew that Carlo won since it was in the papers last week. (Congratulations to Carlo's fans!) Last night, I watched the event on TV, just so I could see how John fared in the finals. He was still the hottest! I must admit though that he looked as if he doesn't know where to go during the segment where they had wings.

When they announced that John is eliminated, I felt his pain. Awang-awa ako sa kanya. I felt like I wanted to be there and hug him and tell him it's okay (Haha, grabe na ito, IN MY DREAMS!!!).

I think he expected that he will win, or make it to the top four at the very least. He really looked shocked. I even thought he was gonna cry. But no, he did not. And that made me like him even more. I really wanted him to win the competition. Carlo was not my favorite, though he was really the first guy I noticed when I first watched Be Bench. And I admit he has a pretty face and a cute smile. But as the show went on, I lost interest in him. Oh well, that's life. They all deserve to be there, anyway.

Basta ako, kay John pa rin ako! Hehe. Hottest ever!

John Uy, I love you!

2007-09-10T09:26:00.000+08:00

I just loooove John Uy, one of the finalists in Be Bench, The Model Search of Bench and ABS-CBN. Every episode, he looks better and better. I actually thought that he looked familiar. And then, while I was watching TV one boring afternoon, I saw this Jollibee nacho commercial and saw him there! He was one of the two guys who kept on repeating what the girl said about the new Jollibee product. Haha, so that was it. I'm rooting for him in the finals.

For his photos, go to the bench model search website here.

Thankful for Open-Minded Friends

2007-09-10T09:17:00.000+08:00

I've been soooo busy for the past weeks. Anyway, I just want to share that two weeks ago, I came out to a friend. We were chatting via Yahoo Messenger, and our conversation went to a topic on speed dating. I told her that I'd love to try it, but that I just couldn't. When she asked me why, I told her, "I don't go for girls." And she laughed and then thanked me for the trust I gave her. She even told me that she kinda figured it out. Whew, it was actually a relief. Friend, if you happen to read this, I just wanna say THANK YOU!

By the way, my friend, don't forget to invite me when your no-girls speed dating is final, okay? Hehe. Just wanna give it a try.

What's with Elevators with Mirror Walls?

2007-07-12T15:17:00.000+08:00

Yesterday morning, as I was waiting at the elevator lobby (by the way, there was a cute guy there--hehe), two elevators opened at almost the same time. The first to open was the service elevator. All of us would have been accommodated. But this girl who was with the cute guy wanted to use the other elevator. When the cute guy asked why she doesn't want to ride the service elevator, all she said was: "Walang salamin diyan! (There's no mirror there!)" And then I told myself, "This girl is too choosy for wanting an elevator with mirror walls. And because of that, I was not able to ride the elevator with the cute guy! Hmp! (I was already inside the service elevator when I learned that they would use the other one. LOL)" What's so important with being in an elevator with mirror walls? It freaks me out because I feel so exposed (Haha, feeling...). Later that day, I found a good reason to want to ride an elevator with mirrors. Wanna know why?

As my colleagues and I went to the 4th level parking to buy lunch, I stayed near the elevator control panel. Then as the elevator stopped and opened by a floor, two cute guys came in. And they went straight to a corner where I can see their reflections from where I was. Oh, it was such a lovely sight. I had a good look at one of them, and he was my kind of guy: skinhead, fair-skinned, and so masculine. Haha. His pink shirt added to his good looks. While I had no idea whether or not he is gay (although he also glanced at me for a few times), at least I was able to savor every moment that I was looking at him through the elevator's mirror walls.

P.S.
Remember the first cute guy I mentioned at the beginning of this post? I saw him again this morning and we rode the same elevator. He went off at the 9th floor. Hmm... now I know. Problem is, I don't have the courage to tell him I like him in case I see him again. And I couldn't tell if he's gay or straight. (sigh)

Lying as Second Nature?

2007-06-13T05:29:00.001+08:00

"Lying becomes second nature." -- Michael Novotny (to Tracy, Queer as Folk Season 1 Episode 11)

Michael was referring to what he thinks happens to gays who are in the closet. To some extent, it is true. People like us who stay in the closet maintain a façade that is acceptable to the basically homophobic society. By carrying ourselves as straight persons in the public eye and by living our sexuality only when with a select few, we are in a way lying, though not deliberately, but involuntarily, because we are forced to lie about ourselves. I think to some degree, this is acceptable and understandable. But only to some degree. We should be careful so as to avoid making lying and pretension a permanent part of our character. But how are we gonna do that if we are still forced by the circumstances to live a big lie? Where do we draw the line between a lie which is acceptable and necessary for staying in the closet, and a lie which is despicable even in the closeted queer's eye?

A Very Beautiful Morning

2007-05-29T08:08:00.001+08:00

That's because I happen to sit beside a goodlooking guy here inside the FX. I always fall for skinhead chinito guys, especially when they seem distant and mysterious. If only I could muster the courage to make a move. Whew.

"Dad, I'm Straight."

2007-05-19T19:28:00.000+08:00

I was watching Queer as Folk Season 4 Episode 11, and there was a scene where Michael expressed his worries about Hunter--his and Ben's foster son--being straight. Those of us who watched the show know that Hunter was a hustler, with gay guys as patrons, when Mikey and Ben took him in. It was but natural for the couple to expect and assume that their Hunter boy is a gay boy. Unfortunately, as of Episode 11 Season 4, it seems that Hunter realized he is straight [poor guy, LOL]. Anyway, he was of course hesitant to tell his parents about it because they were gay.When he finally decided to spill the beans, his folks were quite in shock. In the succeeding bed scene between Mikey and Ben [oops, I meant to say the scene where they were discussing while in bed, haha, just trying desperately to titillate your senses], Michael kinda worried about Hunter. Why? He was worried because he feels it would be difficult to deal with him being straight because he--Mikey, that is--has no idea what it's like to be in a heterosexual relationship. He remarked that perhaps Hunter would be better off with straight parents. Ben countered that there's no problem with Hunter being straight--gay or straight, he's still their son.

And then it hit me.

Even though I am gay, I sometimes dream of having my own child, preferably a biological one [the probability of which is very low if not none at all, since I am really not attracted to girls], or if not, even an adopted one. But oftentimes, I wonder how I would deal with my child if he/she turns out to be straight, or turns out to be gay. If the child is straight, he/she might eventually question my sexuality. If he/she is gay, it could be cool but the problem is that he/she could go through the same agony that people like us experience. As of now, I am still unsure if I can handle having a child in the future. But I'd like to know your opinion [especially calling the attention of gay parents out there] on this: What would you like your child to be: straight or gay? Why?

Mitch Morris aka Cody Bell

2007-05-07T17:05:00.000+08:00

Mitch Morris, who played Cody Bell, leader of the Pink Posse, in Queer as Folk, really got me hooked into him. He's so hot hot hot!!! By the way, is he gay or straight in real life? I searched the net about him and found out that he has two other gay-themed shows.:)

Guy Gazing in KFC

2007-05-02T08:58:00.001+08:00

Who needs dessert when you have all the time to gaze at a very beautiful man while having your lunch?

I was at KFC España last Saturday and I noticed this very cute service crew. I couldn't take my eyes off him. Luckily, he cleaned the table which was northwest from my position, with me facing north. That gave me a good look at his name badge. His name was MACK.

Then it was time to have a refill of the gravy. As if fate was on my side, he happened to be the only crew available, since the others were upstairs. So, who else am I gonna call but him? Hehe. He came over and said he would just bring a new cup of gravy, since it seemed they don't have a pitcher of gravy.

And so, as I continued with my lunch, I also continued looking at him every once in a while. Sayang hanggang ganun lang. Hehe. What a wonderful meal!

Sigh

2007-04-25T10:06:00.000+08:00

It's been a while since my last entry. I was too busy with work this past week. I really don't have anything to say now. I still have much work to do. By the way, the election day is coming near. Vote wisely, my friends! Teka, sino ba talaga si Wisely? Hahaha!

My Wishlist

2007-04-18T09:00:00.000+08:00

While on my way to work, let me list down my wishes, all of which I hope would be answered. Here it goes:

1. Good health;
2. My own laptop computer;
3. Salary increase to have better chances of buying a laptop;
4. Broadband internet connection at home;
5. A nice, attractive, and smart me;
6. A handsome, delicious [hehe, talagang delicious pa eh], discreet, sweet, loving, and loyal boyfriend who stays;
7. An accepting family, so that I can be comfortable being the real me;
8. An accepting working environment for the same reason as in number 7;
9. An accepting group of friends for basically the same reason; and
10. A new place I could call my own.

So there. :-)

Can Joker Arroyo Give Hope to the LGBT Community?

2007-04-13T16:36:00.000+08:00

Iboboto ko na s'ya. I will vote for him now (well, I mean on the May 14 elections).

This morning, on my way to work, the radio was tuned in to the radio program of Joe Taruc, and he was interviewing Senator Joker Arroyo who is aspiring to be reelected to the Philippine Senate. Among other things that he was saying, what caught my attention (alright, I was already listening intently...) was his opinion on the refusal of the COMELEC to grant Ang Ladlad's petition for accreditation as a candidate in the party list elections for the House of Representatives. He said that the COMELEC should reconsider its decision to junk the petition of Ang Ladlad. He said that the party list system was created in order to give the marginalized sectors an opportunity to participate in lawmaking. Ang Ladlad represents Filipino gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgenders, and the LGBT sector is undoubtedly marginalized. He also said that Prof. Danton Remoto, the head of Ang Ladlad, is an intellectual, being a professor in a leading university in the country, and has a potential of being a good lawmaker.

I have long been wanting to find time to write my opinion about COMELEC's refusal to accredit Ang Ladlad. I will try to write it when I have more time, but allow me to say that I'm saddened by Ang Ladlad's non-accreditation simply because it allegedly failed to prove national membership, among other reasons. I will have to read more about this matter so that I can write an informed opinion. But in the case of the LGBT community, whose members may or may not be out of the closet but undoubtedly scattered all around the country, do we really need to prove national membership?

I hope the Party List Law can be interpreted as allowing national representation as sufficient compliance with the requirement of national membership.

For now, I would just hold on to the hope that Senator Arroyo gets reelected and that he makes it one of his causes to fight for the rights of the LGBT community, just as he fought for other human rights.

It would have been better if the COMELEC had not disqualified Remoto's candidacy for Senator, on the ground that he is a nuisance candidate. I think he would have had a good chance of making it to the Senate.

Black Saturday

2007-04-07T21:19:00.000+08:00

And here I am alone in the house, blogging and surfing the net, visiting the g4m forum. I still have so much to do later. My entire family's hearing mass right now. Am I bad? I just don't want to go tonight. I'll just go to mass tomorrow, Easter Sunday.

Hottie Spotting on Friday Noon

2007-03-30T13:41:00.000+08:00

Yup, I passed by the 5th floor canteen this noon to buy my lunch and I saw this one chinito guy, who works out at the gym too, having his lunch. It's been a long time since I last saw him at the gym and at the building's canteen. I kinda missed him, but I liked him more when he wore his eyeglasses. Nakakatunaw! Hehe.

Learning that I am Gay

2007-03-29T15:56:00.000+08:00

When I was still a child, my cousins and uncles used to tag me as a fag. My mother always came to my defense, but still inside of me I know, they might be right. After all, when I started pre-school, I did not mingle with the boys. I was more at ease with the girls. And I felt that I liked looking at my boy classmates.

Come elementary years, the attraction to my boy classmates became stronger. I didn't even have a crush on a girl and when people asked me and wouldn't take no for an answer, I would give the name of the girl who usually is closest to me.

In high school, I was really attracted to my guy friends. There was even this one friend who I cannot turn down whenever he requests for something coz I like him so much.

But when I was in 4th year high, I thought I finally defeated the gay urge in me because I felt that I was in love with my girl best friend. I courted her but I eventually stopped because I realized that I was really attracted still to my guy friends (especially to the guy I mentioned I can't turn down).

The worst and best part was when I was in 1st year college, because it was the time that I felt the biggest struggle of accepting the fact that I’m gay and that the church says it is a sin; but it was also the time that I really felt that I was in love, and not merely attracted, to a guy friend. Unfortunately, this love remained unrequited.

Hottie Spotting

2007-03-28T12:53:00.000+08:00

One thing that I like about going to the canteen at the 5th floor of our building during lunch is that I get to see my crushes! Haha, there are a few cute guys there buying lunch. Just a while ago, I saw one of my crushes. He really is cute with his eyeglasses, skinhead, and just the right physique. I wonder what his name is. He even went to the takeout counter, behind me. (Gosh, I don't know how to contain my joy!) I wanted to kiss him on the lips (which looks really kissable)! Haha... Anyhow, gotta get back to work. Lunch break is almost over. Tata!

Pinoy Gay Bloggers, Join the Club!

2007-03-28T09:54:00.000+08:00

Come out, come out, wherever you are! Calling out all Pinoy gay bloggers out there. Wanna be included in the Pinoy Gay Bloggers List? This could give your blog added publicity and visibility. Simply go to Pinoy Gay Bloggers to join. This list is sponsored by the Manila Gay Guy.

Be heard. It's time to make our presence felt.

Lord please help me understand!*

2007-03-27T18:55:00.000+08:00

While I would not want to make a big issue about my sexual orientation, there simply are some facets to it that I could not simply let pass me by. One is the seeming conflict between my religion and my sexual preference. I grew up as a Catholic, although I am not a very religious person. The Catholic church says, "Okay, so you're gay. That doesn't matter. Just don't be a practicing one." What the?! How can that be? It's as if by accepting the manner by which the Church "accepts" PLUs (people like us), I have acceded to the view of the Church that gays should practice celibacy and single blessedness or otherwise be condemned. That I simply cannot allow my conscience to take.

For isn't it also true that the Church teaches that the Lord is a loving and just God? I believe that. And for me, it means that everyone has a right to be loved, everyone has a right to an intimate and even sexual relationship, whether they are straight or not.

My problem now is how to reconcile my own belief with the traditions of the Church. For instance, while I would want to receive communion, I could not do so without confessing. But the Church taught us to confess every sin that we remember, and that knowingly concealing from the priest any sin committed is also a sin. So, how could I confess without having to tell that I am still willing to enter a same sex relationship? By the Catholic Church's standards, I would be committing a sin, and a mortal one at that. But isn't that unfair?

As of now, I just opted to maintain a personal relationship with the Lord, whether I get to receive communion or not. I still go to Church and hear God's word, but I do not receive communion. And I admit this is really tough for me. Because I would still want to belong to a church, to a religious community where PLUs are accepted without any conditions attached.

*Reposted from my downelink blog.

My Family's Still in Denial*

2007-03-27T18:53:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I wish I did not tell them I'm gay. The acceptance that I got from them seemed to be only in words, but not more than that. My parents still hope that I would change my mind and be straight. But what they could not understand is that I've been through the same crisis of asking what I really am, why me, among the many other questions I had in mind. All those years of struggling to come to terms with my sexuality had been very exhausting, to the point that I even wished I were dead. But there's nothing I could do. I don't have the courage to open the topic to them, mainly because I would be overpowered by their conventional arguments against my justifications. They just couldn't accept the fact that I'm gay. What they don't know is that by forcing me to be straight, they are slowly killing me inside.

*Reposted from my downelink blog.

Mr. Hottie Part 2

2007-03-27T10:46:00.000+08:00

After an eight-day hiatus from the gym (thanks to being sick last week among other reasons), I returned last night. So I went to the locker room, then after changing clothes, I went on my way to the front desk to surrender my valuables for safekeeping. On my way out of the workout area, guess who I saw. Mr. Hottie again! (See related post here.) This time however, he was wearing a loose gray shirt and still the red shorts. But his face was still as angelic and hot like the first time I saw him. He also noticed that I was there, I guess. But then, that's all. I never really had the chance to do what DATS advised--to be the one to say, "Bro, pa-alternate." I really like him, but then I do not have any gaydar, or I don't know how to use mine if ever I have one, so I won't know if he is one of us. And I would not be bold enough to give him even the slightest hint that I like him. So what can I do? Maybe I should just stay on the side and pray that he ask me out.

Boy Watching

2007-03-26T10:30:00.000+08:00

I attended my sister's graduation last Saturday at the Philippine International Convention Center. There were so many cute guys there. There was this one guy who was really smiling--not at me sad to say--while the crowd was busy taking pictures after the graduation. He had a cute smile and a really handsome face. Then while we were waiting for the car outside PICC, this graduate passed by. Tall, handsome, chinito, and really hot! God, I wish I could shout how much I admired them! And how I wish that one of them is my boyfriend. Haha.

Missed Opportunity and More...

2007-03-20T08:26:00.000+08:00

I was at the gym last Saturday when this guy, a real headturner, stepped in. He was perfect. The face, the chest, the back, the biceps, the waist, the butt, everything! I could not help but gaze at him. And he was wearing sando and shorts, which made him even hotter! When I finished my routine on the Smiths, he suddenly talked to me and said in Filipino, "Bro, pa-alternate ha?" (Bro, let's use this alternately.) What happened next?

My mind was dead set on completing my other routines that time, which included using the inclined bench that I used on the Smiths. So I said, "Gagamitin ko kasi sana yung bench." (I'm about to use the bench.) I already said that when I realized that this hottie talked to me! And his voice was really sweet! Masculine but sweet! I did not want the opportunity to pass, but it seems it already had. I told him he may use it and we can use it alternately, but he said nevermind since he will just use the other machine.

That really hit me. I hated myself for that. I mean I do not even know if he is gay or bisexual. He's a real hottie and he seems straight but I still wanted to be friends with him. Using the bench alternately and having a few chit-chats could give a little help. Especially since he was the one who approached me. But then, the stupid me, I let it pass by. I really hated myself for that.

But what I hated more was that I did not realize that I was mumbling and thinking aloud about my regret for letting the opportunity to talk to him pass while I was returning the plates! I really think he heard me mumbling. Now what?! He would get the idea that I like him, that I was gay. And when I was finishing my other routines, he caught me taking a glance at him. I don't know what I felt that time. I just hope that he would keep things to himself. And if he is gay or bisexual, I hope he would ask me out. He really is one hot guy!

In or Out?

2007-03-16T17:00:00.000+08:00

I'm closeted, and what better way to express my being gay than to blog about it! At least for now.:)